My Secrets Become Your Truth
by LLLEB08
Summary: A/U: Arizona has a rocky past, trust issues, and a knack for having the last word in an argument.  When the couple get into a war of words, Arizona is faced with an impossible decision - trust Callie with her painful past, or lose her forever.
1. The Escape

**CHAPTER ONE**

Arizona came to a sudden stop as the door slammed behind her, finding herself in a torrential downpour. She squeezed her eyes shut and muttered a barely audible "shit" under her breath. "Figures," she thought to herself. While her purple polka dot umbrella was only a handful of stairs and a quick elevator ride away, there was really no point in going back, rain or not. She was already soaked anyway. Not that she could go back, even if she wanted to. Not after that.

She pulled the keys from her pocket and punched the button to disable the alarm, probably a few more times than was actually necessary. She needed to escape, she needed to get out of there, and the fact that her car's safety features were getting in the way of that, only led her to push it harder. Finally opening to door she quickly and unceremoniously flopped herself onto the seat, letting out a frustrated huff of air in the process. She closed her door and shut her eyes tight, sighing deeply, as her fingers blindly searched for the button to lock the doors, pressing it and effectively locking out the outside world, the argument, Callie, everything, with a simple flick of her finger.

If only life actually worked like that.

She leaned back, pressing her head back into the headrest, trying to relieve some of the pent up stress of the evening, brushing aside the wet, clingy curls that fell into her eyes. She slowly opened them once again and reached up, pulling the visor down, tracing her fingers along the leather, as she flipped to reveal the mirror. She studied the face that stared back at her like it was some stranger she'd never met. Her face was flush from the yelling. She had yelled. A lot. Too much. Both of them had. Her usually piercing blue eyes were dull, puffy and red from the tears that welled beneath them, the ones she absolutely refused to cry. Choking them back, even now, caused the lump in her throat to become so large it was almost unbearable. She wasn't going to cry. She promised herself she wouldn't cry.

She was disgusted with herself. The terrible things she said just because she couldn't help herself, the digs that came far too easily. She aggressively slammed the door over the mirror and shoved the visor back into place. She shifted up in the seat, locked herself into driver mode, and pulled the seat belt, buckling herself in. She violently twisted the key in the ignition and the car roared to life. A smirk crossed her face, she'd always loved having a nice car for that very reason. She felt powerful behind the wheel, she felt in control. Just what she needed right now.

The stereo clicked on, shuffling her iPod, suddenly blaring _that_ song. _Their_ song. "Of fucking course." She quickly jammed her finger into the knob, silencing it once and for all. She flipped open the armrest and disconnected the offending item, scrolling through the playlist Callie had made for and loaded onto her iPod in secret, one night a few weeks ago when Arizona had been stuck at the hospital. She rolled her eyes and scrunched her brow as she read the title: "Badass Meets Hardcore". She swiped her index finger across the name, the red "delete" button appearing as she contemplated what to do next. Shaking her head and turning it off, she tossed the device onto the passenger seat. She closed her eyes and felt a small smile tug at her lips, remembering the next morning when she had discovered Callie's little surprise. But it quickly disappeared as the image of Callie's face from minutes ago entered her mind.

It wasn't the shocked expression that had taken her by surprise; even she was stunned at the words that easily, too easily, rolled off her tongue. It was more the look of pure pain in Callie's eyes that made her wince.

The lump in her throat was beginning to burn, as she tried to swallow a few times, hoping it would dissipate. The tears she had so valiantly tried to fight back finally began to fall. She shook her head once again and furiously wiped away the tears with both hands, fixing her hair and putting a few stray strands behind her ears.

She sat there, car humming, remembering that that's exactly what Callie would have done for her. Tuck the strands of hair behind her ear as she cried, softly shushing her, comforting her, pulling her into a tight embrace. She shook the warm memories violently from her mind. "No crying," she audibly reminded herself. She took a deep breath, swiping her cheeks one last time before placing her hands on the steering wheel, gripping it tightly. Dropping her right to quickly shift into gear, she pulled away from the apartment without so much as looking back.

Arizona twisted the key in the lock and flipped the light switch, blindly tossing her bag and keys onto the table near the front door. She heard her bag drop, probably scattering the contents all over her living room floor. She didn't care, and she didn't even turn back to look. It could wait.

She bee lined it to the kitchen, grabbing a beer, slamming the refrigerator door as she popped the cap and took a long swig, shuffling her way to the bathroom. As she reached her destination, she took another large gulp, slid it onto the counter, and peeled off her soaking wet clothes, letting them fall to the floor with a dull plop in a large, wet pile. She turned the shower knobs, allowing an extra turn of the hot one, the water reaching a temperature just past comfort. She stepped in and flinched at the sudden exposure to the heat. Gradually, she adjusted to the new temperature as her muscles began to relax under the steady stream of water. She needed this, desperately – to wash away all the tension, all the emotions, all the thoughts racing through her head. Her heart still felt exceptionally heavy; that would take more than water to fix.

After showering, Arizona wrapped herself in a pink towel from the shelf and rubbed her hair with another to rid the excess water, wrapping it tightly around her scalp. She walked into the bedroom, beer in hand, bringing it to her lips once more as she dug through her dresser. She chose a purple cami and its matching purple and white striped shorts. She shuffled back into the bathroom, dropping the towel that wrapped her hair onto the floor. As she stared at her reflection, her mind, once again, began to race.

It had begun as a typical evening. There was a movie, one that Arizona had been dying to see, and popcorn, and chocolate, and cuddling. And then there was fighting. Flaws were angrily spouted. Names were thrown at one another. Accusations were made, and became more and more cruel as the minutes passed. They both knew what they were saying, but neither cared enough to stop.

Arizona rubbed deep circles into her temples, hoping that some of the frustration would subside. She wished she could figure out how the fight had even begun, let alone escalate to this point. The point that led her to the apartment she hadn't stepped foot in in over a month. Callie had began ranting in broken English, pacing back and forth with her hands thrown into the air with force to emphasize, her feet drudging holes into the hardwood floor of the living room. As Arizona followed her with her eyes, she became dizzy, the added pressure it created in her skull did little but egg her on even more, clouding her judgment just that tiny bit more, enough to completely throw all her sense out the window.

Beads of sweat began forming on her brow as her hands trembled. She formed her hands tightly into fists so as not to show any weakness, any resolve, any hint of backing down. Her head was spinning; they weren't even arguing about anything specific. It had turned into nothing more than vicious nitpicking jabs. Callie ranted on about Arizona not trusting her. For Arizona thinking she didn't give a damn about her. That she fell in love too easily. That Callie flirted too much, too often. That she wasn't allowed to spend time with Mark without Arizona getting jealous and picking a fight. On and on and on.

There were reasons, of course, that she couldn't trust Callie. Solid, understandable reasons. Reasons that anyone would agree were valid. She could have talked to Callie about them long before the argument began to brew, but that in and of itself required a level of trust she just wasn't completely willing to submit herself to. She was starting to feel sick to her stomach, the dull ache of anger had turned into a tumbling and twisting of rage, a feeling she absolutely hated. There was obviously no end in sight; she needed to say something to end this, to win this already. _Anything. _

"You let people break you."


	2. The Intermediary

**CHAPTER TWO**

Five words. That's all it took for silence to instantly fill the room. There was no hesitation in her voice, no wavering either; it remained completely steady and firm. It was as if it was the easiest thing she'd ever said. It wasn't until she saw the pain flood Callie's deep eyes that a tinge of regret struck her heart, as her eyes widened and her lips trembled slightly.

"Calliope…"

With a quick intake of breath, Callie lifted her hand to stop Arizona from continuing. Her jaw locked, her lips pursed, and she shook her head as she dropped her gaze to her feet as her brow furrowed in hurt. Callie lowered her head before she abruptly turned on her heels and walked into the bedroom without even a sound, shutting the door quietly behind her. For a moment, Arizona contemplated going after her, but she instantly decided against it. Even if Callie acknowledged her after that, there was no way of explaining a statement like that. And she certainly didn't have the energy to keep the fight going any longer.

Arizona switched off the hair dryer and gently ran her fingers through her soft curls. She shook her head once more as she caught one last glance of herself, before treading into the kitchen. She turned on the bar lights and opened one of the cabinets. She needed a donut.

"You let people break you."

She felt the flicker of anger before she saw it in Arizona's eyes. The words flowed so easily from her lips. Was it really that easy to hurt someone you loved like that? She heard the forcefulness in her tone. She felt it as her heart dropped to her stomach. She heard her breath hitch after she'd fully absorbed the words into every facet of her body.

It kept playing over and over in her mind, like one of those skipping records, "let people break you…let people break you…" She knew she looked like she was on the verge of tears, and she knew Arizona had realized the pain she caused her; her expression softened and her lips trembled as she desperately searched for something to say. No, she wouldn't give her the satisfaction. So, as she heard Arizona say her name, she tightened her jaw and balled her hands into fists at her side. She shook her head in disbelief after her name was spoken aloud. Normally, hearing it in that tiny special tone reserved just for her, it gave her butterflies, made her heart beat just a little faster. Now? It made her want to throw up.

She lifted her hand, the only movement she could muster. She didn't want Arizona to continue, she'd said enough. She didn't even want her to attempt to fix this right now.

No matter what followed that Calliope, assuming she even had a clue what to say after it, Callie would never believe her. A declaration such as that one had to come from somewhere, and she doubted even Arizona understood herself from where it did right now.

She quickly turned around and walked into the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her. Arizona didn't deserve the acknowledgement, the satisfaction, of hearing the door slam. She vaguely felt the heated droplets that were streaming slowly and silently down her cheeks. She paused as the door clicked close, grateful for the separation created between she and Arizona. She held the handle briefly, just in case Arizona tried to follow her, closing her eyes and taking a deep, staggering breath. She dropped her hand and guided herself over to the bed, grasping for a pillow and hugging it close, burying her face into it as the sobs racked through her body. The control she'd held onto this long, dissolving into sniffles and gasps and sobs that she prayed Arizona couldn't hear.

Three whole days had passed since Arizona had gone to blows with Callie. And in those three days, Callie hadn't even attempted to leave the apartment, and it was driving Cristina up the wall. She moped and carried on like someone had killed her puppy. That is, when she actually ventured out from her bedroom at all. Most of the time she locked herself in, sniffling softly, gazing longingly at the various photos that adorned their room of she and Arizona, when they were happy, when they were madly in love. God, how she missed the happy. As she sulked her way into the kitchen, looking for a glass of water, she came across Cristina, sitting on the couch, nose deep in a medical journal. She managed an offhanded "Hey" and Cristina merely looked and tilted her head up in acknowledgement. Much to Callie's surprise, Cristina had kept her commentary about the predicament to herself the past few days. Unless you could count all the pent up aggravation written all over her face, and in that case, she never shut the hell up.

As she reentered her bedroom, flipping off the light and flipping on her stereo, she sighed deeply as the music filled the room. She set the water on the nightstand and threw herself onto the bed, bouncing slightly as she grasped tightly to Arizona's pillow, inhaling remnants of her perfume and shampoo. She closed her eyes, replaying the night over in her head, trying to pinpoint the exact second where they had gone off track. As far as she was concerned, the night had been perfect, just what both of them had needed after a crazy, stressful week. As she reflected, she took in the most depressing music she could come up with, memories of her other failed relationships, as she tried desperately to fight back tears, remembering the awful things they had said to one another. Despite it all, though, the smell of Arizona next to her made her feel safe.

Callie closed her eyes and slowly began to feel the weight of the stress disappear, as her sleepless nights finally caught up to her. She was so tired of crying, of thinking, of feeling, of everything. Just so, incredibly, tired. Just as she straddled the line between awake and slumber, the music abruptly stopped, jolting her upright. Slowly opening her eyes as her heart raced, she barely made out Cristina standing next to her stereo, one finger on the off button, her other hand on her hip, impatiently tapping her fingers against it, a heavy set glare directed straight in Callie's direction.

"This has to stop. Now."

Callie didn't even bother with a response. Nothing she could come up with would appease Cristina, nor would there be an acceptable answer to give her. She also knew Yang was right; she needed to snap out of this funk she'd found herself in. She was letting Arizona do the very thing she accused her of; lettering someone break her.

Instead of speaking, Callie rolled her eyes and sunk back into the pillow fortress she'd barricaded herself in earlier, completely ignoring the fact that Cristina hadn't budged. She heard a very audible and overly dramatic sigh from across the room, and seconds later, she felt a pillow from directly under her head being ripped out from under her, hitting her hard, right in the face.

"What the hell, Cristina? She was seriously not in the mood for her games.

"I swear to God, Torres, if Mark Sloan asks one more time if you're still alive, I'm going to kill you myself just so I can tell him to shut up and leave me alone."

Cristina glared at Callie with a ferocity that even made Callie squirm, looking her straight in the eyes to emphasize her point. She wasn't fucking kidding. Without another word, she turned and left the room, leaving a bewildered and slightly intimidated Callie, with her mouth hanging wide open in shock. "What the hell?"

A/N: Chapter 3 (Posting on Monday September 13).


	3. The Flashback

**A/N**: This is quite a lengthy update, but well worth the read, I promise! You'll get a pretty in-depth look into Arizona's past. Learn all kinds of fun and juicy tidbits about her. Because, come on, could we ever *_really_* know enough about her?

**A/N 2**: Research was done and her brother's name is based on a real person. _RAMD Isaac Campbell Kidd, Sr. _And yes, he was on the U.S.S. Arizona. I'm new to posting here and have no idea how to do a link, so I'll break it up and if you're truly interested, delete the spaces. I'm a historian irl so the background story is always important! :)

http :/ www. usskidd .com/ radmkidd .html

Enjoy the update!

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE**

The last three days had been insanely busy, sick children seemed to be as abundant as the rainfall in Seattle. Not that Arizona minded. In fact, she was secretly grateful for the distraction. Not the sick kids, of course, but for being able to drown herself in the never ending work. Several routine surgeries, a handful of emergencies, and a mile long stretch of paperwork forced Arizona to take up temporary residency in her office.

As she finished things up for the evening, she caught herself putting her "homework" in her bag as if she were going home. Well, to Callie's home, she thought. That had become so second nature to her, going home to Callie after a long day, it took her a moment to snap back out of the routine. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and unpacked her things, practically throwing them onto her desk with a slight aggression that wasn't really her style as they fell loudly and slid across the large surface. She slipped out of her shoes and drug her feet through the carpet, making her way across the office and threw her tired body onto the couch. She missed going home, she missed her bed, she missed…no. No thinking about her, thinking about her would only bring more tears. No. More. Crying.

As much as she missed her, there was still a tiny part of her, the stubborn side, the type A part, that wouldn't allow her to admit she was wrong for saying what she did. The part that made Callie have to fight for her from the very beginning, every single day, that was the part that wouldn't let her apologize. As much as she knew she needed to talk to her, to fix things, she also knew she would have to tell her why she said those horrible things to her. _That_ awful thing.

They both knew it went much deeper than just a simple war of words. Callie's the one who had to feel the words, their sting, their malicious intent, and part of Arizona regretted that. The other part, the stubborn part, didn't want to back down, didn't want to give up the ounce of power she gained over Callie because of it. As her dad always told her, power is made by power being taken, never let someone take it from you without a fight. Be a good man in a storm and fight for what's right." She cringed at the fact that she used this rational for what she said to Callie, she knew that's not what her dad had meant, but somehow, somehow it bordered that line just fine enough for her to feel a tiny bit better about the situation.

And if Arizona looked deep within herself, she knew that she needed that tiny bit of power she had over Callie. Because it kept her sane and safe, and having that upper hand meant there was no way Callie could completely break her. Yes, if she took the time to realize that, things, perhaps, would be different. But right now, right now she needed to focus on the tiny humans, because they always came first.

Despite Arizona's best efforts, no matter how many games she played, pudding cups she delivered, or scalpels she held, her thoughts always strayed back to the night she had buried deep within her subconscious. The night that had changed everything she had worked for, the night that had broken her.

* * *

**-Flashback-**

_Arizona sat outside her parent's home, quietly reflecting on the enormity of the situation that was moments from developing. She hated this part, the saying goodbye part, just the whole finality of it. Because there had to be certain sense of finality to it, after all, you never knew what could happen over there. She watched from the porch swing through the kitchen window, as her brother said his last goodbyes to their mother and father. This was his third tour, but the second was supposed to be his last for a while. But of course, the military being the military, things never went as planned. He and Paige had decided to start a family. He would have some time off after his big promotion, he could be there for the birth of his first child, he could help with the 3 am feedings and diaper duty. He was excited about the opportunity to share all those first moments, something he had feared in prior years because of his career. Missing all of those events that made being a father rewarding in the beginning. And then he got the orders that changed everything._

_Isaac was dressed in his deployment uniform. Tightly hugging their mom as she cried silent tears, she hugging him back even tighter. They were all used to this part, the pain of it, even the slight anger that came when a loved one was shipped off. Her dad had been gone for most of her childhood, bravely and proudly serving his country. But his one-track mind for success and duty led him astray from the family on more occasions than she could count. It was hard one her, the lack of stability, having to grow up not knowing whether her dad would be home to kiss her goodnight or read her their nightly bedtime story._

_He always read to her from the classics and novels about presidents and military history. He said he wanted his daughter to be well rounded and smart, to know things that other people passed over. He wanted her to be the best at whatever she chose, and having a strong foundation of knowledge was imperative. After all, knowing where you come from, he said, was half the battle of success. Half the time she didn't know what he was reading her, but she secretly loved spending that time with him, snuggled up against his chest as his voice soothed her and lulled her to sleep. She could tell you about every war, the important players, and the background, everything having to do with those significant events in our nation's history. Her favorite part was how his eyes would light up when she asked to be told about her grandfather and how she and her brother got their names. Arizona, of course, from the battleship her grandfather served on, and he from a Rear Admiral, and Medal of Honor recipient, who was a good friend of their grandfathers during World War II. She heard the story hundreds of times, each one was better than the last. And when he was gone, she'd close her eyes and listen to his words in her head, missing him so terribly she'd often cry herself to sleep. Sometimes Isaac would hear her crying from his adjacent room, and he'd tiptoe across the hall and climb into bed with her, grasping for her hand, and they'd fall asleep together without a word. They both missed him, but somehow Isaac always understood their father's call of duty, something Arizona never could accept._

_As she got older, she got angrier when he'd deploy or travel across the country. She'd rebel and yell and act out, she took up smoking and opened her mouth far too often. It certainly was not a period in her life she was proud of, but, even as a military brat, she still deserved to miss her dad and even be mad at him sometimes for leaving. She knew he still cared and loved them all deeply, but he had a hard time saying no. Not only did they move around a lot, but her dad also left them a lot when he wasn't deployed. Various top-secret missions, training exercises around the country at various military bases, meetings with big wigs in Washington. While she was very proud of her dad, she often resented him._

_Even still, she shared her father's desire for success. When they turned eighteen and Isaac joined the Marines, part of her, a part she tucked away deep inside of her, hated him for it. She never told him, she never brought light to it, but it was always there weighing on her heart. Just as everyone in her life had, whether physically or emotionally, he was leaving her, too._

_Isaac had always known what he wanted. He loved the military, what they fought for, loved his country, and was a prodigy. And while he never discussed it with Arizona, he knew from the time they were children that he would serve his country. She, on the other hand, had always had two loves: kids, babies especially, and science; while her brother set out to follow in their father's footsteps, she had the book smarts he never seemed to care about when they were in school, deciding she wanted to help people in a different way instead._

_There were moments just before her brother deployed for the first time that had changed Arizona deep down inside. Something told her he wouldn't survive, and trusting her gut above all and everyone else, she was terrified of him leaving. But she was a good man in a storm, so just as she did with her father, she held her head high, hugged her brother tightly, telling him simply, 'Don't be stupid and be the one to get yourself killed over there', and prayed every night that her gut was wrong._

_While he was away, she moved far from home to college, and realized what she was meant to be. She got used to not having her "big" brother (by three minutes) there to protect her and she flourished on her own, doing well and growing up in ways she never thought she could. She spread her wings in the best of ways, away from her strict family life, away from her twin brother, away from military bases and the threat of deployment. She loved everything about college, the people, the atmosphere, the classes, the professors, and most especially the freedom. She craved structure, but she soon realized that if she created it for herself, she could live by her own rules, her own standards, and in doing so she could have the power over her own life. Free from getting her heart broken by depending on others. College was exactly what she needed to grow into the person and doctor she was today. She excelled at her anatomy, genetics, and biology classes, and decided her calling was medicine. After graduating, she decided med school was next. She wanted a new life out of the military as fast as she could get it._

_Isaac, of course, came home safe and sound a year and a half later, went to college, met his wife Paige in their World Civ class, and fell madly in love. They ran off to Vegas and eloped, something her father never approved of, but something the rebel inside of Arizona rooted for and cheered and loved. She was good for him, grounded his free spirit, and stuck by him even through the hardships of being a military wife._

_Arizona always admired her for that, she could never put up with what Paige and their mother did. She was strong, but having her father gone all the time had always caused her so much pain. And as soon as she felt love for the first time, she knew she could never live that life again._

_Arizona studied hard while in college; her nose was always deep in textbooks and journals, a perky version of Cristina Yang. She made a few friends, but most of them were her professors, who saw her great potential and helped her in every way they could. She went to extra labs, buried her nose in the books, learning any and every piece of knowledge she could get her hands on. She memorized medical journals and textbooks, wrote in journal upon journal of how she thought surgical techniques she learned about could be perfected. She was a medical up and coming, one they said to look out for, but she never saw it that way. She simply wanted to do her best and be the best, and in all honesty, she was quickly becoming just as such. As her fourth year of med school approached she had to make a decision, the one that would shape the rest of her life. Her specialty._

_While it wasn't a done deal until well into the later years of her residency, she knew she was on the fast track, and wanted to make a decision early so she could focus on molding herself into the type of doctor she dreamed of. Even before she graduated from med school, she was flooded with letters from hospitals around the country, petitioning for her to consider their program for residency after her internship was over. She was a rock star early on, and everyone knew it. But the thing about Arizona was that she knew she was going places, but she never let it get to her head. Instead, she used it to her advantage in order to gain as much knowledge and skill she could. She wanted to be the best; she needed to be the best, and she knew she had to do it on her own._

_It wasn't anything new for Arizona to be finding her own way through life. She had never had a strong relationship with her mother. They butted heads often, and she resented her a lot throughout most of her childhood for favoring her brother as much as she did, using him, every bit his father's son, as somewhat of a replacement for her MIA husband. Obviously leaving Arizona to fend for herself most of the time. She didn't mind it so much in the long run and never really talked much about her childhood anymore. Mostly because it made her stronger, tougher, but it also hardened her, especially in her personal life where it made her uneasy and always hyper aware. She did things to push people, to see how far she could get under their skin until they either gave into her and she got her way, or she weeded out the people who weren't worthy of her. It also taught her not to expect things from people, especially not to be taken care of or coddled. She had to fight for the things she wanted, but not for relationships. She depended on no one except her brother. They were a pair, forever and always, and she knew he would always have her back. But other than him, she locked every one else out. She couldn't trust her father to be around long enough to establish any sort of solid foundation. She couldn't trust her mother to be there for her, seeing as she spent most of her time checked out, working, or overly attentive and strict. She grew up mostly on her own, but as she got older, she simply accepted it as a part of herself and tucked it away, never thinking twice about it._

_Despite the strain that existed between she and her mom, she had always been thankful for her career because it led her to her own. Even with all of the moving around and never really feeling like a family, she had no complaints about her childhood, regardless of whether she talked about it or not. It wasn't a traditional upbringing, with her father being away most of the time and her mom working as an oncology nurse in whatever hospital was closest to the place they currently called home. Her mother would bring them both to the hospital on their days off from school. Arizona rarely saw her mother once they arrived, she hadn't wanted her kids to see what she saw every day, to be surrounded by people who were waiting for their impending, imminent death. Once they arrived at the hospital, Arizona was never sure when she would see her mother again. Occasionally they would all have lunch together, but most days they wouldn't see each other until the end of her shift. Sometimes even days passed before they would see her if a crisis broke out. They'd sleep in an on call room near the Peds wing, waiting until morning broke, only then knowing whether they would go home or stay at the hospital for another 12 hour shift._

_It seemed like a crappy way to spend a childhood to those who didn't understand. Some of Arizona's fondest memories were spent around the nursery, learning all she could about the tiny humans fussing about in their pods. She always liked the tiny human description that Molly, the nurse who was usually responsible for Arizona during the day, had dubbed the babies with. It was her job to be the keeper of the tiny humans, to make sure nothing happened to them. Arizona loved the idea of getting to take care of them, spend time with them every day, and then be able to give them to their parents, shiny and new, sending them off into the world to grow up and live wonderful lives. To be able to bring them into the world safely and make sure they arrived home to meet their families. She often stood outside the nursery window just watching the babies, imagining where life would take them. She'd make up stories about their entire lives, all the exciting things they would see and do, all the amazing people they'd meet. She'd think up whirlwind romances and happily ever afters. She often wrote about the ones that captivated her, a journal she held onto even to this day, full of stories and drawings. It was one of those things that she kept tucked away, something she fell back upon when she had a rough day, something that made her remember why it was she did what she did. Something that reminded her other than the one reason she couldn't think about. Not anymore._

_As she got older, Arizona began spending times in the pediatrics wing. She got to know many of the long-term patients there, talking with them and playing games or sneaking them snacks from the world outside of Peds. Kids of all ages were there with all sorts of things wrong with them, but Arizona often forgot they were sick. They were so full of life, eager to finally be able to leave the hospital and go back to school to see their friends, run around in the blazing hot sun, and just be a kid. It was only on days when one of the kids was missing because they had a bad night or something took a turn for the worse that she remembered how fragile they were. It was even more frightening when she was old enough to realize when their conditions were getting worse, when their bodies were losing the war and started submitting to the disease. The sparkle left their eyes, their smiles were weak, their animation almost completely nonexistent. But even then, even after their bodies had given up fighting, they were still brave._

_Doctors and nurses and parents would try and gloss things over, but everyone, most of all the kid, knew their fate. But they were never afraid, and it always amazed Arizona that they didn't fear the unknown. Death didn't scare them; it was a natural progression, something out of their control that they accepted as a fact of life. They were resilient until the end, something Arizona deeply admired._

* * *

_He finally managed to convince their mother it was time to let him go, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek, a dashing grin, and a sincere 'I love you', something for her to remember, for her to hold on to as his last words to her. He turned slightly to his father, standing up straight and tall, pushing his chest out slightly, and saluting him. Arizona scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, the dog and pony show of the military always got on her nerves. He returned the salute and pulled his son into a tight hug, not one of affection, more of one you'd give a friend after not seeing him for years._

_Their father had been hard on him growing up. Arizona was every bit a daddy's girl, when he was around, but whatever Isaac did, it was never good enough for their father. They were never close, but he had always sought for his approval in everything he did, and this, she thought, was no different. Her father shook his hand as they pulled away from the hug and told him to be safe, strong, and to keep his vision clear and his senses keen. She knew what was next. She dropped the cigarette to the ground, grinding it under her shoe, took a deep breath, squared her shoulders as she stood, waiting for him to appear from behind the front door._

_Seconds later he did, his hat tucked under his arm, making his way down the long porch to Arizona and hugged her close. Isaac – her brother, her best friend, and her partner in crime – was leaving. She always worried he wouldn't come back, there was always that twinge in her gut, but he was a good soldier. He was a Robbins. Robbins' fought hard for their country and fought even harder for the ones they loved._

_Before he released his grip on Arizona, he leaned his mouth close to her ear and asked her to make him a promise. She took in his words, taking a deep breath, and nodded as he pulled back and gave him a small smile. Looking him square in the eyes, she placed her hands on his shoulders, nodded her head once to reassure him she would do everything she could to keep her promise. No, she would keep his promise, no matter what. There was no other option. And as he returned her nod, she pulled him tightly into another hug, whispering into his ear the same thing she had the other two times, 'Now don't be stupid and be the one to get yourself killed over there', while the soft tears she promised herself she wouldn't cry, rolled down her cheeks._

_But this time was different, this deployment was much different, and they both knew it. They hadn't talked about it, Robbins' never did, but she knew if she didn't say something else, she would regret it, so she added, 'Things are different now, you know that, harder, I know. But I'm still here, and you know I won't let anything else happen. I give you my word. I'm the best, remember?' He leaned in and placed a firm kiss against her neck, pulling back and flashing her their signature dimples. This time was different, and as he got into the car, she felt the warm tears run down her face._

_Two months later all she could hear were his words playing over and over in her head. She heard them in her sleep. They haunted her dreams. All she had to do was keep the promise. That's it. Promises were easy enough to keep, weren't they? But this time, all she needed to do was follow through, stay true to her word, and she was failing. Miserably. She knew it, her family knew it, and even the people at the hospital knew it. The fear of failure at this magnitude rung so loudly in her ears that it began to drown out the sound of his words altogether. But she still saw his eyes, how much he needed her to do this for him, how much they pleaded with her, how much they begged her. _

_She couldn't let him down, not with this, not now … and yet, she had._


	4. The Safe Haven

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Arizona desperately needed air. She needed out. She needed to get of the hospital, out of her office, out of her own head. She quickly made her way through the Peds wing, careful to dodge the tiny human makers, the gossiping nurses, and the annoying residents. She caught a glimpse of the Chief rushing down the hall, but ducked into an empty patient room, holding her breath as he ran past her. She had a place she needed to escape to and it was so close, and not even her authority issues would stop her. She eluded stretchers as they buzzed around the wing, smiling briefly at the kids as she passed them, no need to be rude, after all, and glided herself down the stairs, sweeping through the automatic doors that welcomed her to the outside world.

She closed her eyes and breathed as deeply as she could, relishing in the bright sun as it warmed her face, such a contrast to the piercing pain that was slowly beginning to engulf her heart. She opened her eyes and tried her hardest to catch her breath and center herself once again.

She walked for a while, past the entrance of the hospital, to the park, _their_ park. As she sat down on the bench, _their_ bench, rummaging through her pockets, searching for a loose cigarette. She laced it between her fingers at first, and then smiling to herself, she began flipping it over every one of her knuckles. It was the parlor trick Isaac had taught her when they were in high school, many, many years ago. She smiled softly, remembering how hard he'd teased her because it took her forever to get it just right.

Focusing intently on the stick, she contemplated bringing it to her lips and lighting it. Ever since she became a resident, after that _one_ night when she royally, royally fucked up everything in her life and faced a shit storm of yelling and screaming because of it, she always left one in her pocket, just in case, as a physical reminder to always be the best. Always be in control. And always, always remember what she had done and what she could never have again because of it.

Back then she never thought twice about lighting it up, letting the smoke fill her lungs, the high of that first drag wash over her, releasing all the bottled up tension she had no other method of release for. But ever since she became a surgeon, and especially since Callie had reacted so strongly against it the night she came home to her flipping the lighter and cigarette between her fingers, she never really smoked unless things were too unbearable. And even then, she took every precaution so she wouldn't get caught. It was a comfort thing. To know that, no matter how badly she screwed up, personally more so than professionally, relief was only inches away.

It was beginning to feel like she had pushed herself right up to that threshold, teetering dangerously close to stepping right over it. She closed her eyes and willed her hand to bring the object to her lips.

* * *

She was so lost in her thoughts she hadn't even noticed that Mark Sloan had followed her outside until he sat down next to her, the creek of the bench under his added weight the only giveaway.

"And what, exactly, are you going to do with that, Robbins?"

She could all but feel the smug satisfaction in his tone, as he let the question hang in the air. She knew she'd been caught. As she glanced sideways at him, one eyebrow raised, his sly grin only confirmed it. She knew the whole "smoker" persona was totally out of her character profile, if not for the fact that she was a surgeon, for the fact she was a perky kid surgeon. But it was her secret weapon, the one thing in her arsenal that just oozed rebellion. Something she and her brother shared, she thought.

"Nervous habit," she quietly responded, twisting the cigarette one last time before placing it back into her pocket, allowing both hands to find shelter in their respective pocket homes.

She glanced over at Mark once more. He sat there, staring out into the clearing, a completely blank look ghosting his strong features. He must have talked to her, texted her at the very least. She had to have called him, or gone to Joe's to do shots; they must have done whatever it is they do together at least once since the fight.

It was certainly a friendship she could never completely understand, but nevertheless, she accepted it as it was. He was obviously a constant that Callie could always depend on, and while they used to be fuck buddies and just the thought made her want to puke, Arizona had to respect his unwavering support and presence in Callie's life.

Mark, uncomfortable with the silence that had fallen between them, cut off her internal ramblings. "Have you heard from her?"

"What? No. Haven't you?"

He looked down to his lap, shaking his head softly from side to side. "She won't answer my calls or texts. I'm worried about her Arizona, even though Yang hasn't led me to believe she's anything but alive." He softly chuckled and shot Arizona his signature grin. Taking a deep breath, he looked deep into her eyes. She smiled slightly; mimicking the sadness she saw gazing back at her. He cleared his throat and hardened his jaw. "She'll talk to us when she's ready."

"When she's ready." Arizona reiterated sadly, hardening her features with a small nod of agreement. She repeated the words in her mind, hoping she could convince herself Callie would contact her again, that she still loved her after what she said, that she would come back, even though she knew the control was completely out of her hands.

* * *

Halfway through the third day, after Cristina's rude awakening, literally, Callie decided she needed a break. Too many things reminded her of Arizona. The living room and the bathroom, and the kitchen for that matter, weren't much help either. She left a post-it note for Cristina, saying simply that she needed some air and would be back later. The last thing she needed was a search party, an unenthusiastic one at that, coming after her. Especially since she decided against calling Mark, she wasn't in the mood to go over every little detail with him. She was already beating herself up enough for both she and Arizona, she wasn't going to hear shit from him, too.

She walked through the park, finding an unoccupied bench under the shade of a beautiful blooming tree. She expected to battle conflicting thoughts and emotions regarding their fight, it's all she could think about, every second, and it was slowly killing her inside. She hoped the park, _their_ park, would bring her some clarity that the apartment or hospital couldn't. She needed the fresh air, the feel of nature around her, the rays of the sun she so desperately missed from home as they graced her face. She closed her eyes and instantly realized her mind was a complete blank. She felt nothing, she thought nothing; she had become nothing. There was suddenly a complete disconnection, a feeling of utter still and emptiness.

Fuck.

She was letting Arizona get to her. She was letting Arizona change her. She had let her in; let her be the one person she needed to survive. Arizona wasn't like anyone else she'd ever had in her life, in any context. She made her feel amazing. She found out how to get through to her when no one else could. She saw her; really saw her, the first person to ever do that. She also healed her when she was broken into a million little pieces, and then fixed her, shiny and new, coming out better than ever before. She wasn't the kind of person who would tear her apart. Not like George. Certainly nothing like Erica. Because, plain and simple, Arizona was different. Because there were butterflies. Not just once in a while, not just when they kissed, every second of every day.

She, Callie Torres, badass, hardcore, Ortho rock star had never ending, mother fucking, butterflies.

Callie shot up from the bench, taking off in a dead sprint. She had no idea where she was going; she just needed to leave, needed to run. She followed the paved path, ignoring the sideways glances and glares that were certainly questioning her impromptu running attire. She didn't care, screw 'em, she needed to run. Fast. Hard. Away. Anywhere. Her feet roughly pounded the pavement as the vicious burn began to shoot through the muscles in her legs. And just as she acknowledged the welcomed pain, she felt warm tears forming in her eyes. Yet, she had no idea what was causing them. She was over thinking about it, over thinking about her, all she wanted was to keep running, to keep breathing, to keep feeling this alive again.

The burn was building as she quickened her pace, her lungs felt like they were ready to burst if she continued another step. It didn't even matter; she pushed herself even harder until she reached a shaded patch of grass, which looked out over the Seattle skyline. Her knees buckled and she collapsed onto the ground, gasping frantically for the air she'd deprived her body of, thrusting it back into her lungs as quickly as she could. That was _exactly_ what she needed.

Fuck Arizona Robbins. She wouldn't break Calliope Iphigenia Torres if she had any say in it. She was a new woman, and if she'd learned anything over the last year and a half they'd been together, she was worthy of being loved and respected and adored.

And if Arizona wasn't that person anymore?

_Fuck her_.

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks so much for reading! Hopefully you have enjoyed reading it as much as we have enjoyed writing it. We know it's angst/drama heavy, hopefully that hasn't deterred you from wanting us to continue. We'd love some input to see if you're happy with how the story is progressing, with the writing, and where you'd like to see it go. Don't worry, we love happy/sexy Calzona too, but the yummy drama is all a part of the overall plan. Thoughts? Suggestions? Shall we continue? Thanks everyone!


	5. The Collision

**CHAPTER FIVE**

As Arizona watched Mark get up and leave, he turned suddenly and looked her in the eyes, lightly dropping his hand to her shoulder. She wasn't sure what emotion was swirling in his eyes, but she thought it might have been love. For her. This was certainly a strange moment between them, one he was hesitant to initiate, but the look in her eyes made him want to. She was obviously miserable, and exhausted, and she was his best friend's girlfriend, that made her basically his best friend too. Sorta. Even still, if Callie couldn't be there to comfort her, he felt a twinge in his heart to reach out to her.

"Everything will work itself out, Arizona. She'll come around. She just needs to figure things out in her own head," he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, a ghost of a smile crosses his strong features. "You guys have something pretty special, you know? She won't let that go, especially not without a fight."

He finishes with a firm nod and manages another small smile, giving her shoulder a squeeze for support and walks off.

What had just happened?

They had had their share of fun together, the three of them, and Arizona liked him like her girlfriend's best friend, but never had she thought of him as more. In that moment, with that look, she almost felt as though she had a brother again. And oddly enough, the idea of Mark Sloan as a brother figure didn't disgust her. It made her roll her eyes and chuckle softly. "Life is so weird sometimes," she said into the wind.

She sighed, ran her fingers through her blonde curls, checked her watch, and decided it was time to head back. As she stood and took one last peek at the beautiful scene in front of her, she started on her way. That is, until she heard someone barreling toward her, quickly. Suddenly nervous, she shuffled behind some bushes and waited to see what or who was coming up on her.

She gasped softly when she saw who was actually tumbling in the spot she had previously occupied. It was Callie. Falling ungracefully and landing harshly flat on her face. Her protective instincts kicked in without even a second thought, her innate need to comfort Callie, to make sure she was alright, took over her body propelling her forward on instinct.

Just as quickly as her brain told her body to run to her, her rational mind told her to pause, waiting for Callie to rise, so as not to frighten her. But mostly she was secretly afraid that her presence would only make things worse.

This was ridiculous. Physically holding back was something Arizona never did, especially not when it came to Callie. Nodding her head, silently psyching herself up, she came out of her hiding spot and quickly ran to Callie's side.

"Cal - are...are you okay?"

* * *

Suddenly Callie couldn't move, she knelt in the grass, completely frozen. Had she hit her head? There was no way Arizona could be kneeling next to her, hands roaming her body, looking for injuries. She was dreaming this. She had to be. Because no way could the one person she was trying to escape somehow be right in front of her. And yet, she was very real. The butterflies from her touch told her so. But still, Callie couldn't move. She couldn't breathe, but somehow she managed to shift her gaze to meet Arizona's. Her hands stopped moving, and Arizona stopped breathing too.

It was one of those moments you see in movies and secretly wish would happen to you. When the world stops and it's just you and another person. Only this time there was some sick twist to it. Sure they still loved each other, they both felt it, but just as quickly as the world stopped, Callie's mind unfroze and it began to race. She quickly snapped out of her butterfly induced reverie and began to stand, brushing off the grass stains from her favorite pair of jeans, silently cursing herself for being so damn clumsy.

"I'm...I'm fine. I just tripped. What are you doing here Arizona?"

It came out much harsher than she had intended, and she knew Arizona was just trying to make sure she was okay, that she wasn't hurt. She did fall pretty hard, and if the blonde saw her do it, regardless of how things were between them, she knew she would try and make sure she was safe. It's just one of the many things she loved about her. No. No loving. No mushy thoughts. She came here to escape Arizona, to escape thinking about her, and her feelings for her, to forget her for just ten seconds so she could breathe without crying or being miserable.

"I came here to think. To get away from the hospital. And I was just leaving when...yeah, I was just leaving...sorry."

As Arizona began to rise, dropping her gaze as she did so, something inside of Callie clicked and she reached for her. She wasn't sure why, but the thought of Arizona leaving felt like the worst possible thing in the world right now.

"Don't go. Can we just, sit there?" she said as she motioned half-heartily to the bench in front of them.

* * *

_"Don't go. Can we just, sit there?"_

Arizona nodded, not exactly sure what was going to happen, but hoping this meant Callie was ready to talk, to put this behind them. It had been three days since they had seen or spoken to one another. Three. _Long. _Days. And above everything else, Arizona missed being near her, missed being next to her, missed the energy that they created together that was so _damn_ addicting.

She rose, brushing off her scrubs and offering her hand to help Callie. To Arizona's surprise, she allowed her help and as they both stood before one another, Callie's gaze dropped to their linked hands. A small, sad smile came over her and it broke Arizona's heart just a little bit.

As they both sat down, they shuffled to opposite sides of the bench. Neither was quite certain of their place or how close they could allow themselves to be. Callie took a deep breath and picked at the seams of her shirt, a nervous habit that made Arizona smirk just a tiny bit. It gradually dissipated from her face as her nerves took over and caused an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Her face became flush as her mind was flooded with possibilities of what she could say. Apologies she could deliver, regrets she could reveal, memories she could share. This was her opportunity, her chance to fix this awful mess she created for herself. For both of them. This was her chance to shine. To redeem herself for all she had done, for all she failed to do. To make up for her shortcomings, for her mistakes. For _that_ mistake.

* * *

The air was thick with tension. It was a few moments before she realized she was fiddling with the cigarette in her pocket, rolling it between her fingers. She glanced sideways at Callie and watched as she bounced her leg up and down, looking in any direction but the one Arizona was in.

"Sometimes I come here to think," she darted her eyes sideways, making sure Callie would let her actually speak, and when she saw her take a deep breath, she was instantly relieved that she had been granted a small window.

"Ever since we first came here together, it's always brought me clarity, peace, warmth, all those tiny things that you've brought into my life that I miss when I don't get to be around you."

Callie turned her head slightly, revealing a small dimple as she lifted one side of her mouth in her direction. "Arizona..."

"Imissyouokay?" she spat it out as fast as she could before Callie had the chance to silence her.

"I miss you too, Arizona, that's not the issue. But missing each other, it just isn't enough. It can't be enough. Not this time."

"I don't know what you want from me Callie! I've said I was sorry that night, at least I tried to before you stormed off! You know I love you and that I didn't mean to hurt you," Callie eyes widened and Arizona threw her hands up in defense."

"...okay, that's a lie, I did mean for it to hurt you, but that's what arguments are! I meant to hurt you _then_, in that moment, but now? Now I'm trying to make up for it, but you won't let me!"

Before she knew it, Callie was on her feet and stormed off with nothing more than a loud scoff. Arizona slouched back into the bench sinking deeper into her seat, baffled by Callie's reaction. _She _was the one who had suggested they sit down together, for what Arizona assumed was her effort for beginning to repair the damage. And that was just what Arizona was _trying_ to do. But now there was an empty spot beside her, a sharp pain in her chest, and an absolute feeling regret and sorrow.

She had tried everything.

Reasoning. Rationalizing. Apologizing. Begging. Flattery.

All the usual things that tended to work with her exes. Clearly, Callie was not accepting anything less than everything she tried so desperately to avoid. She'd tried everything, everything besides the _one_ thing she knew would fix it. Yet, something deep inside of her still wouldn't let her. And it was even starting to confuse Arizona.

Their meeting had done nothing to subside the pain in her heart; it had only amplified it. Because there was a moment, a split second, that she felt an overwhelming relief that she was near Callie again, she was her Calliope once more. That she was able to touch her again, that she could inhale her vanilla and honey body wash, and she could feel it as it sent shivers throughout her entire body. In that one moment, Calliope was hers and all that had happened between them was nonexistent. Everything they had built together, everything they had become was all that mattered. It was that moment she desperately clung to, and honestly it was the only thing she had left.

* * *

As Arizona extended her hand, she instantly realized how much she had missed being close to her. Touching her. _Needing_ her. She looked down at their fingers and had to smile at how perfectly they fit together, they always had. In every aspect. Except one. Her smile quickly turned sad because she knew there was this one thing that she needed from Arizona, and it was the one thing she was insistent on hiding. But this time it wasn't something that could just be brushed aside, this time it was a make it or break it kind of thing. And that terrified her.

She knew if they sat down Arizona would open her mouth. That's just who she was, always the first and last word in any conversation. And as the longing Callie felt twinge at her heart increased, she decided she would let her. Perhaps the sooner they stopped avoiding each other and actually had this conversation, the sooner things could begin to mend. That is, if Arizona had figured out what Callie desperately needed from her.

As they sat as far away from one another as they could, Callie tried to collect her thoughts. Praying that this wasn't going to turn into another stupid argument because Arizona couldn't accept responsibility for the fact that par wasn't good enough. That hurting her and locking her out of her life, her past, would get her nowhere. That this was it, and Callie was running out of patience, and second chances.

Arizona started out sweet, she could admit that. Callie hadn't known she snuck to the park on her own to feel close to her when they couldn't be together at work. But even still, she was avoiding the issue, favoring flattery instead. Callie rolled her eyes, it was sweet, and normally would be swoon worthy, but not this time.

"Arizona..." Callie warned her. She had to. Because Arizona would keep going in whatever direction was most convenient for her. In whatever direction she could in order to _avoid _the real subject direction she needed to take.

The next thing Callie knew, she aimed for desperation. She knew Arizona missed her, and God had Callie missed her, but seriously, what the fuck? For the life of her she just couldn't understand why Arizona wouldn't just let her in. She knew everything about her! Demanded it practically, right from the beginning. Why was that too much to ask? There was too much at stake to fuck with her and dance around whatever she was holding back. Whatever was the root behind what she had said to her.

Did she really not see the enormity of the situation, how much she stood to lose? Maybe it, _this_, wasn't as important to Arizona as she had thought. Maybe _she_ wasn't as important to Arizona as she made it appear.

Callie spoke, harshly, this time completely intending to get under her skin. Arizona was getting on her last nerve. She had run to the park to get away from all this shit. To get out of her head so she could breathe, and if Arizona was going to mess with her head, she had had enough.

"I don't know what you want from me Callie! I've said I was sorry that night, at least I tried to before you stormed off! You know I love you and that I didn't mean to hurt you," Callie eyes widened and Arizona threw her hands up in defense."

"...okay, that's a lie, I did mean for it to hurt you, but that's what arguments are! I meant to hurt you _then_, in that moment, but now? Now I'm trying to make up for it, but you won't let me!"

"You know what Arizona? This isn't about me and what I will or won't _let_ you do. You had the last word. You made sure of that. You opened your mouth with the _intent_ of hurting me. That doesn't just come out in the spur of the moment. What you said - you _meant_. Clearly you aren't really sorry, because even now, you're on the defensive. You meant to hurt me, and that's unacceptable. That's not love..."

"...I mean, you said some pretty harsh things too...did you forget that?"

Callie watched her as she instantly realized she had fucked up. Her head pulled back and she winced. Callie was done. She was done with her excuses, she was done with her jabs, even now. And finally fed up with it all, she slammed her hand onto the bench to get her point across, if Arizona hadn't already gotten wind of it, that she was pissed. And she wasn't going to take it anymore. With a loud scoff, and shake of her head, she was off without another word.


	6. The FaceOff

**CHAPTER SIX**

After their encounter, Callie stormed off into another area of the park to cool off. She didn't understand why Arizona continued to jab at her, continued to fight with her, continued to hide from her. It was ridiculous, and childish; for someone who decided it was fair game to call her a freaking newborn, her behavior certainly rivals that term. She pushed back against the bench, reaching back and looking up to the sky. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, preventing the tears that welled there from falling. This was all just so absurd. They were fighting like teenagers; Arizona persisted on avoiding, and Callie was letting her by just getting up and walking away. But she was just so exhausted. So sick and so tired of going back and forth and never really getting anywhere. What had they become? Was this really the end?

As thoughts about their demise as a couple swirled around in her head, she pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Arizona was supposed to be different, they were supposed to be happy. They were, after all, the stable couple, the one that had everything figured out, the one that had all the answers. Arizona_ is _different, she thought. And together, they were incredible. They had magic. So what the hell was wrong with them? They were going so well, following the path that would eventually lead them into something much more, deeper, long lasting. Callie was all in, she had been since their first kiss, but why wasn't Arizona? Did she not see how amazing they were together? How much Callie had fought for her?

Wait.

Callie had done all the fighting. She had her share of drama and tears, of course, and Arizona was always there to comfort her through them. But the fact of the matter was, Arizona never had to fight for her. Callie was always the one having to stand up, give up, give in throughout their whole relationship. And now that she was refusing, begging Arizona to fight for her, Arizona had no idea how to do it. Because she'd never had to. Callie had basically handed her a future, promising to fight for her so that Arizona wouldn't have to. And that, she thought, was preposterous. This time it was Arizona's turn. If she wanted to stay in this, she had to fight for her, she had to realize that average wasn't going to cut it, that she had to learn to let her in and depend on her in the ways she had taught Callie to after her family disowned her and when George died. As she took a deep breath, braced her hands on the sides of the bench and stood, she realized that's exactly what she had to tell her. Straight to her face.

But first, she needed a drink. Or ten. Because she wasn't sure she could handle how Arizona might react to everything being put on the line. She wasn't sure Arizona would actually fight for her, for them. Yeah, she needed a drink. This could wait until tomorrow. Walking away from the park she set her destination in her mind and headed off.

* * *

Callie downed a shot of tequila as Joe placed another in front of her. She slammed down the emptied glass and picked up the new one, bringing it to her lips as she gestured to Joe for one more. She loved the burn the liquid left as it traveled down her throat. She was fairly certain she had just downed shots number two and three, and as she caught Joe's glance for a fourth, he gave her an uneasy once over and shook his head. She grasped the glass and shoved it towards him, "Just one more. Then I'm done and outta here, I promise."

"Keys," he said, sticking his hand out into her personal space, making her back off slightly.

"I walked here." He shot her a look of disbelief and so she quickly added, "I promise. I've seen first hand what happens if you get behind the wheel like this - no driving. One more."

He finally relented and poured the liquid into a glass, shoving it her way, causing it to slosh over the rim. Unfazed, she picked it up and stared through it for a moment, examining the contents, measuring its worth. As she brought it to her lips, her heart stopped and her eyes popped out of her head when she caught sight of the familiar bouncing blonde curls from across the bar. She put her glass down on the counter, fingers gripping onto it loosely as she stared at her, unable to move, unable to breathe.

She was talking animatedly to Teddy, her curls bouncing as she giggled slightly, nudging her friend with her shoulder. She was laughing. She was happy. There wasn't a remnant of despair on her face. No tear stains. Her skin was supple and glowing as it always was. It wasn't puffy and red from crying and rubbing away the tears. Her make-up was done flawlessly; she was dressed in one of Callie's favorite outfits. This hurt. _Badly_. She was perfectly fine.

Then again, Arizona had perfected the art of bottling things away. Especially emotions. She didn't wear her heart on her sleeve for people to toss around and do with it as they pleased. She hated that Arizona could hide away so easily, as if nothing bad had ever happened to her. It wasn't fair.

She picked up the glass once again and swirled the tequila around with her finger, watching Arizona and Teddy laughing with one another. How one would lean in closer and put a hand to her mouth, covering the secret from the rest of the room, like freaking schoolgirls. How Arizona's face showed surprise and then relaxed again as the waves of laughter washed over her, giggles that Callie had always adored, filling the space around them. And then she noticed how her head jerked and her eyes popped out when she spotted Callie across the bar.

Fuck, Arizona knew she was there. Alarms began going off in loud cadences throughout Callie's head, as she felt her nerves, and those fucking butterflies return, building up suddenly in the pit of her stomach. She watched Arizona turn back to Teddy as she placed a hand on her shoulder to let her know she'd be back in a minute, rising from her bar stool as she did so. She was going to come over there. She was going to try and talk to her. Going to try to fix things. Again. She was going to be the gallant hero and come to save the day, to save everything.

Callie quickly downed the shot, shutting her eyes as she swallowed. She wasn't prepared for this. She had hoped it could wait until tomorrow. She needed it to wait until tomorrow. She was too tired to deal with her now.

She slammed the glass back on the counter and jumped off the stool, throwing some money and nodding at Joe. She darted for the bathroom, zig-zagging through people, wanting desperately to throw some cold water on her face. She gave the door a hard shove and quickly made her way to the sink, turning the knob for cold and cupping her hands beneath the faucet, slowly bringing the water up to her face and splashing the cool liquid against it, gasping at the temperature. She grabbed a paper towel to dry the dripping water and gazed into the mirror, waiting for Arizona to appear. How fucking poetic.

* * *

Within moments, she opened the door and walked in with a confident stride, shutting the door behind her. Callie tuned around abruptly to face her, locking her jaw tightly and clenching her teeth. They stood there in complete silence for a few moments, absorbing each other's presence. One they both had been longing for, but now, suddenly had no idea what to actually do with.

Thoughts of their first meeting flickered through Callie's eyes. Those were times similar to now, Callie heart broken, Arizona coming in to rescue her. Irony at its finest. But when Arizona spoke for the first time that night, they were instantly happier times. Times when the possibility of a new romance was only just beginning. And now, Callie thought, they were in the same place, only the possibility of it ending was more likely than she'd ever actually admit to herself.

Right now, their perfect, whirlwind romance was just barely hanging on by a thread. Arizona let out a small sigh, signaling she was ready to break the comfortable silence that had filled the room.

Normally, Callie would let Arizona speak her piece first. It was easier that way. She knew her well enough to know that Arizona needed to be first to speak, and she couldn't be interrupted or she'd lose her nerve. But this time was different. This time Callie would start the conversation, she had earned that much. Callie would be the one with the upper hand.

"People have broken me in the past. I've been bruised and beaten up in the worst of ways, and I had a hard time walking tall for a while." She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, willing herself to continue. "I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit that. They may have broken me, but that doesn't mean I let them. There's a difference. A big, fucking difference."

Arizona stood silently, slightly perplexed but intently focused on the woman standing before her. Callie noticed her shift slightly, possibly from the uncertainty of where this conversation was headed, if it foretold both their fates.

"But you know what? You have no right to use my past as a weapon. It may have led me to you, but you most certainly weren't there. And you know what else? I've been all in this since the beginning. You? You're a fucking mystery half the time, Arizona. You choose what I get to see, what I get to know, you withhold your emotions, and you sure as hell won't talk about them with me without starting an argument."

She was on a roll now. All the pent up frustration and anger was oozing out of her. If this was going to end, she was going to say everything that had been weighing on her heart. She was going to leave it all on the table, no holding back. Not only did she deserve to say it, but Arizona deserved to hear it. All of it.

"I don't even know much about your past; barely know anything about your family, about your life before Seattle. And yet, you have the audacity to judge me for going all in and getting hurt a few times? No."

Arizona scrunched her face in confusion, her mouth gaping in an attempt to protest, but Callie quickly cut her off. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins now; she could barely hear herself think. She knew this needed to be done, to put everything out there so she wouldn't implode.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I'm not the problem here? I've been broken, yes, but the reason I was is because I took a chance. I opened myself up to a possibility. I dove head first into something because that's who I am. I don't just give half of myself. I don't pick and choose which parts I share. Broken or not, it was worth it. Why? Because I wouldn't have you if I hadn't.

There are two things I know. I may have been hurt before, but I always put myself back together and came out stronger. The last time? I was a mess when I met you. But you fixed me, you put me back together."

She could see the pain in Arizona's eyes. She knew this was hurting her. She had somewhat intended on that, but she hadn't accounted for how that would make her feel. How much it would hurt _her _to see that in Arizona's eyes. How much she would desperately want to rush to her and hold her. But she couldn't, not this time. She had to be the strong one. So, with another deep breath, she continued.

"That's what you do, Arizona. You fix people. You take broken people and fit them into this mold of what _you_ think is the ideal for them, what _you_ think is best for them, what's best for _you_."

Callie glanced down and noticed Arizona's thumb nervously stroking her finger, as if she were twisting a non-existent ring. She was hitting a nerve, and even if she was horrible for admitting it, she felt a surge of satisfaction for standing up for herself. For once, she'd call the shots, make the big grandiose speech, and Arizona would be the one left trying to figure out where they would go from there.

"But who the hell are you to judge? Who do you let in? You didn't even want to date me because I wasn't lesbian enough. And you're only friends with Teddy because she's hung up on Owen. Everything is one big fucking project to you!

I thought I'd finally found someone who loved how much I loved. You even said it once. But telling me I let people break me? That says something completely different. And this time, this time I won't let you break me, too. I'm not broken either, Arizona. So you know what? Fuck you. You said you loved my big heart and that you loved me with all of yours. That you wanted me. You said all these things, but then you go and say something like _that_ to win an argument, but really, I think you're just lying to me and to yourself."

She could see the tears start to form in Arizona's eyes. Maybe she is finally getting through to her. Maybe she will finally understand. The tears, they were killing her. She couldn't look at her anymore, so she closed her eyes, willing herself to continue, to say just a bit more.

"I've fought for you since before we were even together. And I'm tired, Arizona. Exhausted. I can't prove to you that I love you and that I'm not going to leave you any more than I already have. So, if you want me as much as you claim to? Fucking prove it."

Callie opened her eyes and instantly looked Arizona square in the eyes. She held her gaze with Arizona's for a moment before kicking into motion and leaving the room. Her head was buzzing and she wasn't entirely sure if she got her point across, she wasn't the speech giver after all, but she felt damn good at the effort as the door slammed behind her.


	7. The Shockwave

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Arizona had locked her eyes with Callie's, hoping to catch a glimmer in them so she could figure out what her next move should be. Her head was screaming at her to say something, anything so that she didn't continue just standing there useless like a deer in headlights. But last time, she remembered, saying the first thing that popped into her head didn't work out so well. There were a million responses that came to her mind, but none Callie would listen to.

She watched as Callie moved to leave the room before Arizona could even fully comprehend the movement. She put her hand out to stop her too late, as Callie blew past her, making the blonde's heart drop to her stomach. She heard the door slam as Callie left her in the wake of her words.

It was at the very moment she felt hot tears beginning their burning streams down her face. She stared blankly at her reflection in the mirror. She didn't see Arizona Robbins, the accomplished surgeon; instead, she saw a weak, little Arizona that had just let someone trample all over her. She had just let Callie take charge of the situation. No, Callie had taken charge of it for herself, she had stood up and demanded she be heard, Arizona hadn't _let_ her do anything. But she _had_ let her rip her to shreds, barely mumbling an audible sound the entire time. And now she was stuck there, frozen, feeling completely lost as to what she should do.

Callie had more than likely already left for the night by now, so the coast was clear. It faintly crossed her mind that Teddy was still waiting for her at the bar, but she wasn't in the mood anymore for gossiping or playful banter. But leaving without saying goodbye would be rude, so she would have to compose herself enough for at least the next ten minutes or so, simply so she could pay part of their bill, get herself home, crawl into bed, and hope that tomorrow would be better. Anything would be an improvement at this point.

* * *

She took a deep breath and made her way to the door, "It's now or never," she thought. As she reached for the doorknob, she quickly jerked backwards as it began turning from the other side. She smiled softly as Teddy appeared in the widening crack, a concerned look on her face.

"Hey, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay in here," Teddy shyly smiled, "I saw Callie storm out a few minutes ago and was worried when you didn't follow."

"Yeah, everything's … super," Arizona replied unconvincingly, forcing a smile she knew wasn't even close to being believable. Teddy nodded once, simply to acknowledge she had heard Arizona, carefully examining her to see how much she was actually hiding from her.

Why the hell did everyone suddenly feel the need to analyze her? She fucked up. She let all of her baggage and her messed up of a past win. She'd let them fuck up the one thing she wanted to work. But so what? She wasn't the first person to do something like that and she didn't understand what the big deal was, especially at Seattle Grace, where relationships and affairs were as common as bandages and sick people. Seriously.

So what if Callie was pissed? So what if she had called Arizona out on her shit? Arizona wasn't the kind of person that let people destroy her, not anymore. She'd been through that already, and from then on she fought until her knuckles turned white and she had exhausted all the energy she possibly could from her body. She did everything in her physical power to fight like hell, and then, and only then, after she exhausted all her resources, pulled out all the stops, used every weapon in her arsenal, would she be able to move on.

Fuck feeling bad for herself. That was before Callie, she had to stop living in the past, because this was the right now. This was the present. And as far as she was concerned, her present was pretty damn amazing now, more so than it had been in a very long time, sans the last few days, and she was going to fight for the one thing she knew she needed more than life itself. She couldn't lose that again, because that would most certainly break her beyond all repair.

She flashed Teddy a sad smile, instantly feeling a twinge of guilt for letting her personal life get in the way of their much overdue "grown up girl bonding time," as them hanging out together was coined by their mutual nine-year-old patient Olivia.

"I really have to go, I'm so sorry," Arizona said hurriedly, needing to get out of Joe's as quick as she possibly could, instantly feeling claustrophobic in her own skin. She apologized to Teddy once more, saying she wasn't really up for crowds anymore and really just wanted to go home. Teddy nodded, but still scrupulously gave Arizona a once over to make sure she wasn't just bullshitting her and that she really was all right.

She offered to pay her half of the bill, but Teddy shook her head and said that this one was on her. She gave her a quick hug, flashed her dimples, saying they'd catch up with each other tomorrow at lunch. She excused herself once again and charged out of the bathroom, straight through the crowd, and out of Joe's, pausing as the cool air hit her face. She took a long deep breath and made her way to the one place she was determined to call home once again.

* * *

As her pace quickened, her mind raced with the words Callie had seethed at her. But what most bothered her, she thought, was the fact that she just stood there and said nothing. She didn't defend herself, she didn't refute Callie's claims, she just stood with her mouth hanging wide open and took it, every single word of it. But the worst part about it wasn't the barrage of shit she received from her; it was the fact that Callie had never looked so angry or so hurt at the same time since she'd known her.

She could tell it broke Callie's heart to say the things she did, but she said them anyway. Not to win an argument, not to gain the upper hand like Arizona had, but to try and get through to her, to give her one last chance. Her speech almost felt like a goodbye. And, as Arizona realized, it _was_ a goodbye. That is, unless _she_ could do something to fix it. It was in her hands now. Callie had all but given up, and as much as the type A in her hated to admit it, she knew it was her turn to fight for Callie and their life together.

* * *

As she lifted her head, staring at the building before her, she paused. Not sure whether she should move forward. But as her feet hit the steps, waiting for her to lift them, she was fuming, with herself, with the situation, with the fact that she let Callie walk all over her. Her normally level headed approach to confrontation had been thrown out the window a block ago, and against her better judgment she decided to go to Callie's apartment as is. She had no idea how this was going to turn out, but if Callie wanted to see her emotions? She sure as hell was going to get to see all of them, this one included.

As she actually reached her destination, she felt all sensation leave her body. It was one of those make it or break it moments, where everything faded away in preparation for one of those big life-changing events. And that terrified her.

She hopped up the stairs, two at a time, cautiously opening the door, judging herself for doing so, this was a mistake, going into this situation angry, she knew it. It's not like Callie was an enemy, or an opponent; she was the love of her life. What was wrong with her? Dismissing everything in favor of just getting this over with, she briskly made her way to the elevator, her aggravated mood only heightening, as she punched the up button repeatedly with dedicated ferocity. When it still hadn't arrived two minutes later she pressed it again with a stomp of her foot. This was ridiculous. But as soon as she heard the ding of its impending arrival, her heartbeat quickened as the hum of the gears brought it closer and closer, bringing with it her impending fate.

The doors opened and she pressed her desired floor, silently wondering if this would be the last time she ascended to it. Planting her feet firmly on the ground, she fiddled with the contents in her jacket pocket. She pulled out an animal shaped rubber band one of her patients had given her earlier that day. It was to protect Mr. Bear when he was scared, little Maya had proudly pointed out.

She had smiled at the girl, pulled her into a tight hug, and put the rubber band around her wrist. Nervously she lightly tugged it at the memory and it snapped back tightly, reminding her that this situation was very real and required the utmost care and protection, regardless of her mood. All she needed to do was fix this and everything else would fall right back into their normal, happy places. If all went as planned, she'd say everything just right, Calliope would sigh, smile, and run into her arms, just like in the movies. One could only hope, she thought.

* * *

As the doors opened, Arizona stepped out and shuffled towards Callie's door. It had become so second nature to her that it required practically no thought whatsoever. She stopped herself as she reached for the doorknob, letting her hand drop back at her side at the realization that she may not actually be welcome. She took a step back to decide what her next move should be. She hadn't once thought about what she would actually say once she got here, the buzzing of Callie's speech had been replaying non-stop in her mind since she left the bar. Wishing she'd taken the time to actually clear her head, she rolled her eyes at herself. She had no idea how to fix this without the potential of getting her own heart broken. What she did know was that standing out here wasn't going to solve a thing and she might as well at least _try_ the doorknob while she was there.

Painfully slow, she turned the knob and her heart jumped when she heard the click. Maybe Callie had left it open for her, hoping she'd chase after her. Or maybe she expected Mark to prance in and sweep her off her feet. She quickly shook her head, dismissing that last one, the last thing she needed was Callie and Mark riding off into the sunset together in the back of her mind.

She pushed the door forward, inch by inch, instantly finding Cristina and Callie sitting on the opposite ends of the couch. Cristina eating cereal from a bowl and reading a medical book in her lap, Callie munching greedily directly from the box tapping her feet against the table to the soft hum of music in the background. Both looked up when they heard the creak of the door. Arizona, obviously busted for peeping, pushed it open the remaining way and stood there, a bit shell shocked, as she took in the looks she was currently being sent. Callie's eyes bulged out at the surprise of Arizona's presence, her jaw unhinging and hanging open, waiting for a verbal response to form. Cristina turned to look at Callie and then back at Arizona, smirked, raised her eyebrows and then reached to grab the cereal box out of Callie's limp hand and poured herself some more, snuggling into the sofa. She wouldn't miss this fight for anything.


	8. The Attempt

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

"What are you doing here? What in the world gave you the impression that I wanted you here after everything I just said?"

Callie stood up but didn't move from her spot in front of the couch. Her stance demanded a response from Arizona, one that she still hadn't completely formulated. She had ideas of what she could say, things that really didn't mean much of anything. They were simple fixes, like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound, temporary patches that would hold things together for now. It was the best she could come up with on the spot, so it had to at least be worth a shot.

"I'm sorry, Callie. For everything."

Arizona could see in Callie's eyes that she wasn't buying it, and it didn't really surprise her. It was half-assed at best, and she knew she needed to give Callie more. But right now, spinning slightly from one too many drinks earlier and a lack of prep time, it was the best she could do. It was shit, she knew it, Callie knew it, hell even Cristina knew it as she scoffed on the other end of the couch, but she wanted to make an effort. She _had_ to make an effort.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "The other night, we both said things we didn't mean…"

"I meant every word. And don't you _dare_ try and tell me you didn't mean yours."

Callie's voice was stern, her glare icier than anything she'd ever seen before in her usually warm, chocolate brown eyes. Arizona was fucked, that much was pretty damn obvious right about now. No amount of bullshit would get her out of this one. But, Arizona wasn't ready to let her guard down; she wasn't willing to give in just yet. She wasn't ready to open up about her past and how her life fell apart in a split second, how she lost everything and will never be able to get it back.

"What am I supposed to think? You just leave yourself open for anyone to just walk into your life and tear you apart…I mean everyone knows it!"

Callie was pissed, and she let it be known, she shot back at her almost instantly resulting in a shouting match that quickly became heated and loud. Neither was letting the other get a complete statement out in the open, they just spewed whatever came to mind. Cristina darted her eyes back and forth between the two, watching Callie as she wailed her arms wildly and pointed her finger accusingly in Arizona's direction to emphasize her points, and Arizona's hilarious facial expressions. It was the most delicious tennis battle she'd ever witnessed, and her eyes were wide and her smirk grew with each syllable.

Arizona was aware of Cristina's presence, but was sure she couldn't keep up with what they were yelling about; even she was having a tough time. It was quickly coming back full circle to the argument they'd had only a few nights ago. Only this time they were both yelling about nonsensical things instead of what the actual problem was.

As quickly as it started, the yelling had stopped, with breaths heavily panting from each corner, hearts racing. The room fell silent, disturbed only once by a loud crunch from where Cristina was sitting on the couch. She stopped chewing when she realized the two had stopped bickering and were now staring at one another like they were about to tear each other a new one.

Again, Arizona had royally screwed herself. This time, though, she heard her inner voice scream at her to stop. But, like the last time, she opened her mouth and the venom escaped her lips with utter ease. She felt it with every syllable she spoke, and yet she didn't even try to cut herself off. She instantly felt remorse, the mounted tension inside of her replaced by fear that she had gone too far, much farther than she had four nights ago. But much to Arizona's dismay, Callie's expression wasn't sad or hurt or defeated. She was…amused? Callie emitted a soft, sarcastic chuckle and it created an unsettling feeling in the pit of Arizona's tummy. She didn't like where this was going. Not one bit.

"You just don't get it, do you? Did you even hear a word I said earlier?"

"Callie, I –"

"Just go."

"But, Cal –"

"_Go."_

This time Arizona didn't bother fighting back. Callie's directions were firm and clear and she knew better than to push this any further. She lowered her head so neither Callie nor Cristina would see the tears now glistening in her eyes. She turned to leave the apartment and headed for the door, turning the knob. As she opened the door, she turned slightly, looking over her right shoulder.

"I love you Calliope, you have to at least believe that."

She said it softly, warmly, but loud enough to make sure Callie would be able to catch it. She didn't know if it would be enough, but she hoped it would be. She let the door shut quietly behind her and scurried to the elevator, taking out her frustrations on the down button once again. She entered, hit the button for the ground floor, and slid to the floor as painful sobs of regret surged through her body.

* * *

There should have been some shock, or at the very least a little surprise after all Arizona had just said to her. Her features almost instantly softened as regret filled and clouded her blue eyes. What she used for her final blow was low, even lower than "you let people break you". It was something she never thought would come out of her. What she said was unforgivable. Callie should be pissed that Arizona brought her family into the fight. That she had the audacity to accuse her of letting her family members walk all over her when they shut her out for dating a woman. To have to hear her say that she let her father crush her, that it was her own fault she was shunned. But she didn't feel a hint of anger, and instead found herself chuckling. Arizona was just as confused as Callie was at her reaction, and she fully intended to use it to her advantage.

"You just don't get it, do you? Did you even hear what I said to you earlier?"

"Callie, I –"

She honestly wanted nothing to do with Arizona anymore. She didn't want to see her; she didn't want to hear another word out of her mouth. She didn't want half-assed excuses or fake apologies; she wanted an honest explanation from the heart. And if Arizona wasn't going to give her that, if she didn't love her enough to give her that, she had no business being in her home.

"Just go."

"But, Cal –"

"_Go."_

Callie wasn't just telling her, she knew she needed to demand for her to leave in order for it to sink in, and a small part of her ached as she caught a glimpse of Arizona holding back tears. Her whole body had slumped in defeat. She walked with no zest, none of her usual pep, as she made her way to the door. But Callie had to be strong; it was Arizona's turn to prove that she wanted this as much as she claimed she did. She watched as Arizona paused at the door, turning her head slightly to look back at her.

"I _love_ you, Calliope, you have to at least believe that."

Callie's heart stopped momentarily, she swore it did, as Arizona's declaration sunk in. Her hardened exterior quickly crumbled as she watched the blonde slip out of the apartment, closing the door quietly behind her. She wanted to run after her, hold her tight, to look her in the eyes and kiss her, to make everything better, but she stayed where she was.

It was in one thing Arizona had said that night where she heard the most honesty, felt it completely in her voice. It was assurance for Callie that Arizona was still in this even if she didn't seem to be. But she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on if Arizona couldn't move beyond her own shit and open up to her.

* * *

**A/N**: So, we were a little bored with the lack of fic updating today (oh, the woes of newly college graduates), and decided to post this a little early for you guys in case you were just as bored. We'll post again tomorrow, don't fret, this is just a bonus. And there's plenty of Cristina fabulousness...can't wait! We do hope you enjoy this chapter!


	9. The Communion

**CHAPTER NINE**

"Well, that sucked."

Callie shot Cristina a dirty look that she simply shrugged off. She placed her bowl on the coffee table and grabbed her iPod, searching for the aptly titled "Dance It Out" playlist. She stuck in into the dock and wiggled her eyebrows at Callie, rocking her upper body from side to side as she shuffled to where Callie had remained planted, unable to move. Cristina's efforts at enticing Callie into a dance failed miserably as she squirmed away from her approaching form. She wasn't in the mood to dance.

"Come on Torres, you need to dance it out."

From past experience, Callie knew if she continued on with her reluctance, Cristina would sink to low, almost unbearable measures to convince her to change her mind. She'd nag and plead and just be an all around ass until she agreed. So, rather than adding to her already full plate of stress, she started to swing her hips and do an embarrassingly weak attempt at a cha cha with her arms.

It wasn't long before Callie really got into the music and was going all out with Cristina, both of them flailing around the living room, singing annoyingly loud and doing various air instruments when the rifts permitted. Callie lost herself in the moment and let all the pressure just flow out of her, and for the first time in days, she felt completely free. Free of stress, free of tension, free of sadness, free of everything. Right now, all she needed to worry about was what song came on next, adjusting her rhythm accordingly, and making sure not to crash into anything.

Cristina shimmied over to one of the bar stools, plopping down to catch her breath. Callie lowered the volume and joined her at the counter, a small smile ghosting her lips. Slowly she began coming down from the high of dancing and her mind was once again flooded with fragmented memories of the fights she and Arizona had had over the last week. But the pain wasn't as intense this time. It almost felt, even if it was just for a moment, that it hadn't even happened, that it was some distant nightmare she had that blurred the line and had somehow become part of her reality. And for that, Callie was grateful Cristina had pushed her.

"Wanna get trashed?" Cristina inquired, already pouring two shots of tequila before Callie had a chance to respond. She pushed a glass towards Callie and lifted her own, a signal for her to follow suit. She followed Cristina's lead as they shot back the burning liquid, slamming their glasses together nearly in sync on the counter. Callie pushed hers forward for a refill, and they clinked them together before heading into a second and third round. When Callie requested a fourth, Cristina sat back, studying Callie's expression.

"You really love her, don't you?"

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Callie peered at her friend who sat expressionless, staring at her glass as she twisted it between her fingers. She could clearly see the inquisition had made her uncomfortable, meaning it was genuinely out of concern and placation.

These moments were rare with Cristina, when she put her guard down long enough to have a serious conversation, especially about emotions, even if only for a few moments. Deep down, Callie knew she did care about her, even though she'd never admit it, somewhere, in her own way. She blinked once, a small smile forming as she pictured a smiling Arizona in her dimple popping glory.

"More than anything."

There was a slight hint of sadness in her voice, one that Cristina hadn't missed, and after they both sat in silence staring into the kitchen for a few moments, Cristina sat up and poured a fourth shot. Raising her glass, motioning at Callie to do the same.

"It'll be okay Cal. She needs you just as much as you need her."

Callie raised her eyebrows quizzically. Twice in one night? She wasn't sure where that had come from, Cristina wasn't usually one to enquire such things at all, let alone more than once, and she knew better than to ask twice, so she simply relished in the sentiment. A huge grin that she couldn't contain if she tried to spread across her face, causing Cristina to roll her eyes, tossing the shot back and slamming the glass on the counter once more.

"A toast! To Blondie's ass being handed to her tonight."

Rolling her eyes, Callie clinked their glasses together. The last thing she wanted was to have hurt Arizona, but maybe, just maybe, having her ass handed to her, _twice_, would do the trick. Arizona hated to lose, and maybe it'd be a shove in the right direction, the direction that led her back into her arms.

* * *

Arizona turned the knob to her apartment, crossing the threshold and throwing the items in her hands onto the chair. Her cheeks were flushed and stained from her tears, and her throat was dry. She walked to the kitchen and reached for a bottle of water from the fridge. No more alcohol, it'd only served to hurt her even more tonight. She closed her eyes as the liquid soothed her throat and brought herself to the couch. She reclined back and rubbed circles into her temples, praying for some relief from her pounding headache. She knew she needed to talk to Callie, properly, and she knew it needed to happen sooner rather than later, but the memories, they were just, too painful. She shook her head, furrowed her brow and let them flow from her. Not stopping them, not blocking them, not trying to forget them.

She could remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. Remember the frantic call from Isaac that Paige's water had broken. She had to chuckle to herself at his impending fatherhood nerves, and the various swear words he directed her way when she told him the early part wasn't up to her until they got to the hospital. The little one was five weeks early, and while it made Arizona a little nervous, she had delivered her share of babies much younger than the newly impending addition to the Robbins clan. Plus, her success rate was impeccable, and with Robbins blood running through him, she knew he would come out kicking and screaming and strong as any other newborn could be.

Back in those days she was going to be an OB/GYN, and was even accepted into a prestigious fellowship program, the fast track into early success. She loved everything about that moment when a child was first born. How the whole world felt like it stopped as everyone held their breaths waiting for that first cry. The anxious family members, the pacing father, the strength of the mother, the beautiful little smushy baby as she ushered another life into the world. She loved every second. And she also loved the fact that she could participate in it every day without having to actually go through it herself.

As she thought back to her early career, she had many happy memories, many success stories of babies she'd saved just by being the one to deliver them. But the best day of her entire career as a doctor was an easy choice. The day she delivered her nephew, all six pounds, three ounces of him. He was tiny, but right from the very beginning a scrappy little fighter. He screamed his head off like he was insulted she had the audacity to take him from his warm little cocoon.

The moment he was born Arizona looked at him and said "Me and you are gonna have fun together, yes we are." As she looked into his eyes she instantly felt like a part of something bigger. The spitting image of his father, she instantly felt the twin-like bond she shared with her brother, and as soon as he entered the world, she knew it was a new beginning. Yes, Kade Eric Robbins was the perfect addition to their little family.

While Isaac, Paige, and Arizona had always been close, getting together for family movie nights at least twice a week, and sometimes going out, when careers permitted, their parents always kept their distance. Times had changed; certainly, their relationships were no longer strained. Arizona called her mother and father at least once a day, she told stories of babies she'd saved, mothers she had grown attached to, talked about her girlfriends, as scarce as they were. Apparently, distance was what it took to build back a relationship, and she was secretly glad at how well things were. Paige and Arizona became the best of friends; they worked at the same hospital, and were almost as close as she and Isaac. And when she learned of the pregnancy, she was more excited than she ever had been in her entire life. And from the moment she laid eyes on him, she was hopelessly in love with that little boy.

* * *

The kid, he was a whirlwind miracle. He brought such life into her family. He made everyone smile and everyone happy, and everything else they'd been through together over the years seemed insignificant by comparison. He was their second chance at being a family. The best part about it? She liked being able to spend the weekend with him; they wore each other out playing, they'd do all kinds of fun and exciting things. Anything he wanted to do, she participated in. Her inner child was alive and well, everybody knew that by her natural perky attitude, but this kid? This kid brought out the best in her.

But, after a long weekend, she was secretly thankful for the convenience of giving him back. She could get used to that. Having a kid, without actually having to deal with the demands of _having _that kid in her life every second of every day. She could have an amazing career, have her amazing love story, travel the world, and still have that wonderful little boy to come home to whenever she felt the desire. Yes, she could just as easily live vicariously through her brother, and just as whole-heartily love her nephew as much as she would have her own.

She often spent her lunch hours down in the nursery of the hospital when he was a baby. She'd read to him, just as her father had read to her. And as he grew, she was right there with him. She was just as much his mother as his own, and Isaac loved that. He beamed with pride when he saw his little family of four together, cooing over the baby, being competitive at Cribbage or Gin, or lounging together watching movies. As far as Arizona and Isaac were concerned, their lives were perfect.

That is, until one day in late September. The temperature had just begun to drop, the leaves changing colors and falling to the ground. Normally it was Arizona's favorite season, she loved the nip in the air, the extra quilt she could add to her big warm bed as the cool night air made the house slightly chilly. She loved the colors, and the smell of fires as they permeated the evening air. She could remember that night too, just as vividly. She was lounging on the couch, covered in a quilt, a warm fire raging in the fireplace. Something she loved to do on her evenings off. She finished her book and closed it with a thud, dropping it onto the coffee table. Sitting up, she stretched her arms and cracked her neck, this was the life, she thought. Before she could get up her cell phone rang. It was Isaac, and he was frantic.

She raced to the hospital, only knowing a few details. He had collapsed. He wouldn't wake up. His tiny body wasn't responding. As she ran through the doors of the emergency room she came to his room and watched as her colleagues worked on that little boy. All the tubes, all the monitors shrilling. She was used to it as a doctor, of course, but coming from her nephew, the little love of her life, it was something she had never thought she'd have to experience. Isaac saw her standing in the doorway frozen and yelled at her to find out what was going on. She rushed to the toddler's side and looked his doctor in the eye. He looked at her and frowned, dropping his gaze. Her eyes widened and she lunged for his chart, reading it over quickly as soft tears began to trail down her face.

After hours of waiting and praying, Kade woke up and was relatively fine. Babbling on about monkeys and wanting 'AA' to hold him. They did tests on his heart and learned there was a deformation. Something tiny, something that could kill him, something they could only postpone, not cure. They ushered him into surgery not long after, it was a temporary fix, a band-aid over a bullet wound, but it would save him, for now. Regardless, he was given a death warrant; one Arizona would never forgive herself for.

* * *

As she downed the last bit of the water she leaned back and brought her hand to cover her eyes. She felt all the stress and anxiety and pain she'd carried with her this past week wash over and through her as she sobbed uncontrollably. She sobbed for her nephew, for how much she missed his smile and his dimples and the way he clung to her when he was scared. She sobbed for her brother, for the loss of her twin, and for the fact that she had promised him she would save his son. She sobbed for the fact that she couldn't, for her failure, which had let her family down. She sobbed for her sister-in-law and how losing the two things she loved the most killed her. And finally, she sobbed for herself. For the fact that she had held onto all this pain and guilt for so long for fear of bringing it back and having to re-live the events.

But most of all, she sobbed for Callie, and that the one thing she needed more than anything else right now wasn't to hide, wasn't to deal with this on her own, it was for Callie to hold her, to shush her with her soft kisses, to carry her into bed and climb in behind her, protecting her from the world. In that moment she realized that telling Callie about her past wasn't the hard part that would break her, it was losing Callie all together that would.

At that strong realization everything shifted. Her tears stopped, her heart filled, and all the pain she'd felt disappeared. It finally clicked. This is exactly what Callie had been trying to get her to understand for the past week. This moment was exactly what Callie had needed from her, and the realization that her past wasn't as scary if she knew that Callie would be there to comfort her and help her through it all. It was in that moment that Arizona knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Callie was her future and she was determined never to let it go again.

* * *

She shot off the couch, searching frantically for her cell. She knew that going to Callie's after what had just happened wouldn't be a good idea. Callie was exhausted, she was hurt, and Arizona was the cause of it. So, instead of being selfish, she decided to send her a text. A text would be harmless and she could go to bed and plan out how things would go if Callie agreed to meet with her. She had to do this. For herself, for her relationship, for Callie.

"_I know you don't want to hear from me, but I did some thinking. You were right. About everything. I know what I need to do now. No more arguing or fighting, I promise. Tomorrow night after work will you come over so we can talk? So I can talk? I love you, Calliope."_

She hit send quickly before she could over think the message, and locked the phone, placing it on the side table, stretching her tired body across the couch, allowing all the stress to seep into the cushions as she drifted off into sleep.

Just as she had fallen, her phone loudly vibrated against the table. Her heart raced, her palms began to sweat and she used all her energy into reaching for the phone. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a second, swiping her thumb across the face of it, opening up the message. Her heart twinged at what it said.

"_Okay. We'll go to your place after work. I'll make dinner. And you can talk. But this is the last time Arizona. I won't argue with you anymore. After this I'm done. Have sweet dreams."_

She took another deep breath and froze, reading over the message one more time. Just as she finished, her phone vibrated again, indicating a new message. She quickly accepted it and had to smile at the new words.

"_And Arizona? I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."_

_

* * *

_

_**A/N:** _Just a quick note, the pace with which we have set this story and the "stewing" between them is necessary. As a character, we know Arizona likes to avoid things at all costs; she likes to keep the control over her situations (i.e. "I'm not broken." And "I'm a doctor and I can't even pronounce what's in this lotion."). So, while it may seem drawn out, that was the intent. We wanted to show that her accepting Callie into her heart completely, wouldn't be something instantaneous. She would try to protect her past and attempt not to bring it up until she had exhausted all other options, whether it was intentional, or just who she is as a person, and it had to be a struggle she went through by herself. Hence, the lack of an actual full on conversation about it. While it may seem drawn out, it was our attempt at trying to better understand, and better present Arizona as a character. We're nearing the finish line everyone, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the end of the ride. Trust us, the ending? We have a surprise for you and you're gunna love it. Thanks for reading and sticking with us. Have a lovely weekend.


	10. The Awakening

**CHAPTER TEN**

As her hangover began to hit her full force, Callie deeply regretted how much tequila she consumed the night before. Her head was throbbing. She had boatloads of coffee and popped a few aspirins, but the throbbing was persistent. It wasn't quite as profound as it was earlier, but still a constant reminder of the shitty night she'd had, and her encounter with Arizona only added to the pressure she felt under and above her eyes. The crying hadn't helped things either.

Mark had somehow convinced her to join him in the cafeteria, and she picked and played with her fruit salad, not really entertaining the idea of eating it at all. She casually glanced at him, totally half-assing his sweet attempt at cheering her up with disgusting jokes and tales of his latest sex conquests. It was gross, but he was trying. As soon as he was paged and got up from the table with an off handed "911" he gave her shoulder a soft squeeze and left her to her own pounding head. As she brought her hand to rub her forehead, she opened her eyes and immediately spotted Arizona sitting on the opposite end of the cafeteria with Teddy.

Total déjà vu.

But this time, she wasn't nearly as animated and lacked her happy, perky glow. In fact, she looked exhausted, and worn down, and her eyes were somewhat puffy. Her expression was serious, as was Teddy's. They were deeply invested in conversation, neither paying any attention to her lunch. Teddy relaxed back into her chair, arms crossed against her chest, nodding and chiming in a few words every now and then. Arizona bounced around slightly in her chair to emphasize her various points in that adorable way she always did that made Callie's heart do flip flops every time she witnessed it. She couldn't help but wonder if she was talking about her, about them, about tonight, or about last night. About how much was on the line, about what she hoped would happen. Or if she allowed herself a best-case scenario, how she was going to fix it.

"You're staring."

Cristina appeared directly in front of Callie, effectively blocking her view of Arizona. She huffed quietly, heavily dropping her head to her left fist, her elbow pressing harder against the table from the added pressure. She mumbled a pitiful "Am not" and stared at her plate, pushing around her remaining fruit salad like a grumpy child. Ignoring Callie's behavior, Cristina placed her tray on the table and sat down, munching on her sandwich and watching her intently. It would only be a matter of time before she would interject something. She always did.

Callie sighed deeply and dropped her fork with a clink against the table. She never removed her gaze from the plate, closing her eyes and blurting out, "We're having dinner tonight. At her place."

Cristina weighed this information and set her sandwich down. "Whose idea?"

"Mine. She invited me over to talk, I suggested making dinner. I'll need the distraction. And to keep my hands busy. And she'll need to time to prepare her speech or whatever. You know her."

Callie shifted uneasily in her seat, her thoughts flooded of what would happen in just a few hours. She was dreading the possibility of tonight ending in absolute heartbreak. How in a matter of hours, everything she and Arizona shared could become nothing more than a memory, something to add to her list of continued heartache. She hated how much power the next few hours wielded, how much they could change everything. She refused to let herself think of the worst-case scenario any longer, she had envisioned it hundreds of times already. It was driving her crazy. The last thing she needed was to go into tonight with her mind already decided on the outcome.

Her pager went off and displayed a 911 message with the patients room number. "Shit," she cursed quietly, snapping her pager back to her scrub pants and rising from the table. She had a really bad feeling about this patient but hoped her gut would be wrong. A repeat surgery was going to be risky, borderline fatal. Even her work life refused to cooperate and insisted on fucking with her.

"I have to run."

"Good luck. With everything."

Cristina voice housed no emotion, but her eyes showed a hint of genuine concern. A small smile tugged at Callie's lips as she shrugged, nodded, and she turned around to exit the cafeteria. Cristina sat back in her chair and took a deep breath. It wasn't that she was tired of dealing with a sad and cranky Callie, it was just that she was sick of seeing her so miserable and without answers. It sucked to be in that limbo. She knew the feeling well, of not being in control over someone else's feelings or actions but desiring them so badly it hurt. But there was one thing she could do, she owed Callie that much, so she rose from the table, tray in hand, and walked over to the table that Arizona and Teddy were sharing. She glanced at Teddy, locked her gaze, and watched as Teddy patted Arizona's arm, smiled at her and got up. At her exit, Cristina plopped down into the chair and began to eat, not even looking up at Arizona.

* * *

Arizona watched as Cristina intruded on the conversation Teddy and she were having. She knew this couldn't be good. Why did it feel like all their friends were ganging up on them both? Mark had been weird, Teddy had been slightly quiet, and while Cristina wasn't exactly what she'd call "a friend" she was being weird too. This definitely sucked. As Cristina continued to shovel food in her mouth and ignore her altogether, Arizona cleared her throat and looked at her expectantly, softly clicking her fork against the table in annoyance.

"You really need to learn when to shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"You open your mouth whenever you feel threatened. You don't let her tell you what she needs from you before you go off on her."

"Cristina, I know you're her friend or roommate or whatever, but this really isn't -"

"Yeah, it really is. Because she's sad and mopey and miserable and all she wants is for you to show her that you really love her. Not tell her, she's heard it, you gotta show her."

She has still yet to look up to meet Arizona's harsh stare, probably because technically she's her boss, and technically she is way out of line, but Arizona certainly respected her for standing up for her friend, even if it risked the wrath of a pissed off Peds surgeon.

"I am only telling you this because you're her friend, okay? This kinda is none of your business. My past is - it's messy and it's something I don't like reliving. I - I know she thinks I hide from her, that I don't want let her in, but it's complicated."

"I really hope you don't plan on telling her that tonight."

"How did you - ?"

"She's worried. And when she worries, she makes herself sick. She's already exhausted and worn down, and now add the worried. If you mess this up again, it'll really kill her."

"I know, I just -"

"It won't break her though. You think that they broke her but they didn't. They just made her re-examine her direction. People that have big impacts do that. You had no right, really, I was there, she wasn't broken. Hurt, yes, but not broken. She never lost that badassness. That's Callie. Her edge is who she is."

She looked up from her empty plate and met Arizona's gaze. She hardened her jaw and raised her eyebrows. Most likely judging how much more she could say before she really pissed her off.

"So don't, don't judge her for what other people did to her. Especially if you're on the verge of doing the same thing, being that same person they were. Don't, don't do that. Because then you'd just be a bitch and a hypocrite. If you hurt her like that, you'll have to deal with me. I don't care if you're my boss. She deserves to be happy. So, if you're going to hurt her again, I don't want you in my house. Or in her life. So for the love of God, just fucking fix it already. The two of you moping around is really getting on my last nerve."

Arizona watched her as she got up and walked away without another word or another glance. This really was the weirdest day ever. Needing to get out of that place before someone else decided to share their two cents, she got up and dropped her food in the trash and headed up to the Peds wing to check on her patients. If there was one thing that could cheer her up, it was them.

* * *

"Dr. Ari! You came!"

"Hey little one, of course I did, you know I couldn't stay away. Now how's my favorite girl feeling today, any better?"

"My tummy still hurts like yesterday. But I got some new animal bands, wanna see? My brother brought them for me. They're pink! And purple! And green! Lookie!"

"Those are very pretty, sweetie. Which animals did you get this time? Ooo a monkey! They're my favorites!"

"And it's purple too, your favorite color Dr. Ari. Do you still have the other one I gave you from those few days ago?"

"You betcha kiddo, see, it's right here." She pulled her sleeve up to reveal the band resting comfortably behind her dark blue faced watch with a bright smile. "It was very nice of you to share it with Mr. Bear. I know he really loves the company."

"Dr. Ari, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course sweetie, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Member when you said that smiling will make my tummy feel better?"

"Of course I do, it's the best medicine. It'll fix anything."

"But why does your face look so sad Dr. Ari? Your cheek holes aren't sparkling like they usually do. Are you sad?"

Arizona should've known that one of her kids would notice that she just didn't have that extra oomph today. That extra sparkle that usually made their eyes light up and their smiles to get just that much wider when she entered their room. She took a deep breath and smiled softly at the girl, sitting down on the edge of her bed and grabbing her hand.

"Sometimes grown-ups get sad when they aren't sure what to do or if they make someone they love sad. And then it makes smiling a little bit harder."

"Did you make someone you love sad Dr. Ari?"

"Yeah sweetie, I really did. And you see, that makes me sad and makes my cheek holes want to hide instead of coming out to play with yours."

She presses the tips of her index fingers into the little girl's cheeks, making the girl giggle and her eyes sparkle. When she stops laughing she pulls off the purple monkey rubber band and places it softly in Arizona's palm, closing her hand around it.

"Give that to the person you love, it'll make them feel not sad anymore, I promise! They always makes my tummy hurt a less when my brother brings them to me..."

"Thank you sweetie. I will give it to her, I'm sure she'll love it. You make me smile, you know that?"

She flashed the little girl her biggest smile and matching dimples, grabbing her and pulling her into a tight hug. She kissed her forehead and glanced at the clock behind her bed. It was 5:30 and it was almost time to meet Calliope. She gave the girl a little extra squeeze, tucked the covers around her tiny body, and gave her another smile before leaving the room. It was exactly what she needed. Sometimes even the simplest advice is the best.

While the purple monkey wouldn't really help matters with Callie, she knew she had something else to give her that might mend things between them. She would give Callie her whole heart. It was all she had to give, and she hoped beyond any and all hopes, that it would be enough. Because it had to be.

* * *

Arizona decided to take the stairs down to the locker room, a slight bounce to her step now that, for the first time in a week, she had hope. She knew exactly what she needed to do, needed to say, Callie was making dinner, and if luck were on her side, she knew that by this time tomorrow they could be on the road to a full recovery. As she reached the last three steps of the staircase, she propelled herself forward, leaping and landing in a loud thump, a huge grin spread across her face.

She opened the door and clicked her heels to the floor, opening her wheels and glided her way to the Attending's locker room to change. She had made sure to bring Callie's favorite top and the jeans that hugged her in just the most perfect, comfortable of ways. She knew if she could gain that extra ounce of courage from being comfortable, from being herself, that she couldn't go wrong. As she reached for the door she heard a stifled whimper coming from behind it, unsure of its source she was hesitant in going in at all, but something about the sound sent a chill down her spine. She quietly padded through the door and followed the noise, not wanting to intrude on whomever was crying, but as she rounded the corner, what she saw broke her heart. It was Callie, and she was sobbing into her lab coat.

The first thought that crossed her mind was that Callie had lost a patient, but she rarely ever cried about that. So the only logical conclusion would be that it was about her, about their dinner tonight. Apparently things were a lot worse than she had originally believed. Callie had given up, and the thought of going trough the motions and letting Arizona try and fix it, left her sobbing in the locker room. Arizona runied her one chance, and her heart plummeted to her stomach as she turned to walk away, leaving Callie in peace, intent on never hurting her or making her cry ever again.

* * *

"Ar-Arizona? Is that you?"

She stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide, the chill resurfacing and tingling every inch of her skin. She took a deep breath, holding back the tears that threatened to fall, turned around and walked back to her. "It's me baby. What's wrong?"

"I-I lost a patient. You remember Mr. Foust? I told you about him two weeks ago. He-he was fine and then he tripped over his dog and now he's dead. Dead Arizona, he was so excited because his daughter just had a baby girl a few days ago and he was going to be able to push her on the swings. The swings Arizona! And I killed him. I took that little girl's Grandpa away from her before she even got to meet him. I'm just - so tired of everything around me dying. I - I can't. I'm so sorry."

She buried her face back into her coat as Arizona sat down next to her, rubbing her shoulder firmly and kissing her temple, pulling her into a tight embrace. She felt horrible. She had assumed it was about her, she had acted selfishly, running away instead of trying to comfort her. This had to stop. She had to stop making it about what Arizona needed, what Arizona was afraid of. It had to be about Callie. It was time Arizona gave herself compeltely to her. So that instead of having to hide from one another when they were in pain, they could be equals, the could need each other, they could depend on one another. This is how it's supposed to be.

"Hey - look at me. You didn't kill him Callie, you have to know that, you're an amazing surgeon. You can't control what happens once you discharge him. Accidents happen, you can't blame yourself. I - I know we were supposed to have dinner tonight and talk, but - you really need to just get some sleep. We can wait, this - this can wait, you need to rest, I can tell you're exhausted."

"What? No. I - I don't want to be alone tonight. And we need to talk, we can't keep putting it off, I'm so tired of all the arguing and the bickering. Let's just, give me a few minutes to change and clean up and then we'll go, okay? I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." She gives her a sad smile and presses a kiss to her cheek. At least it's something. At least she's willing to give it a shot.

Arizona kisses her temple and squeezes her hand, getting up and walking to her locker, changing quickly and heading out the door. She knew Callie would need some time to compose herself before she headed back into the halls, and Arizona needed the time too. Being that close to Callie again made her dizzy. Her subtle perfume and lotion engulfed her senses and made her never want to leave her embrace. And if she was going to do this, she needed her head all in this.

* * *

She tapped her foot lightly to the music in the lobby, smiling as people passed her by, waiting for Callie to join her so they could make their way to the apartment. Toay had been a stressful day, and she hoped that she would be able to alleviate both of their heavy plates by making things right. She caught glimpse of Callie waving to a little boy and flashing him that smile she was so in love with as she strode towards her. God she missed that. Getting to leave with Callie next to her, that beautiful smile, those long curls. She was determined to never let her go again.

Reaching her arm around the counter behind Arizona, announcing her arrival with a light tug around her shoulders, Callie smiled softly and raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"You ready?"

Arizona sighed and looked her straight in the eyes with a nod and a warm smile. "'I've never been more ready to go home in my entire life, let's go."


	11. The Collapse

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

It was a cool evening. The chill as they walked up to her front porch was significantly warmer than the brisk temperature between the two of them. An awesome way to start things, they both thought in unison.

As the door was opened and Arizona ushered Callie inside, flicking on the light and dropping her keys on the side table, she offered to take Callie's coat for her, but Callie beat her to it, already walking behind her and removing her coat from her body. The blonde instantly smiled, Callie always made sure she was taken care of.

"I'll start dinner," she said as she hung up the coats and walked into the kitchen, flipping on the bar lights on and opening the fridge to inspect if the Arizona had remembered to get groceries.

"I got them this morning Callie, everything you need should be in there, I know how you like fresh ingredients best, and you know I'm never here much these days so I had to do some shopping. I hope I didn't forget anything."

"Everything's here Arizona, thank you. Put some music on and I'll make us some drinks and you can tell me about your day, okay?"

She walked over to her purse and pulled out her iPod, quickly skimming over the playlist that had come on the last night they were together, _that_ night, and silently made a mental note that if they survived this, Callie needed to make her a new playlist with a new title.

She selected her "Zen" playlist and placed it in the dock, pressing play and walking back over to grasp for the glass of wine Callie had poured for her. Flashing her a soft smile and locking eyes with her for a moment, a moment that made her heart flutter softly, she sat down on one of the bar stools and traced the rim of the glass with her fingertip. "Is there anything I can do to help? You still haven't taught me how to make tilapia fish tacos with that yummy sauce like you promised you would months ago, pretty please?" Maybe putting on the charm and pouting a little would help lessen the tension between them. Maybe it would show Callie that she was really trying.

"Ari, that's because whenever you help in the kitchen you always end up coming in behind me and," she paused, stole a look at her girlfriend, and changed the subject, not wanting to bring up anything having to do with their love life. If this was going to work, all the cards were going to be on the table, no distractions. And sex was a big distraction. Hence, why Arizona didn't know how to cook. "Anyway, how was work?"

"It was, well, it was work. You know. Sick kids, scared parents, hardcore surgeries that I rocked, you know, the norm." She flashed her a quick dimpled smile, cocking her eyebrow.

"Sounds about right, and your modesty is sooo attractive Arizona."

"You know you love it."

"Yeah." With a deep sigh she turned around and gracefully moved her way around the kitchen, putting ingredients into the pot, throwing spices in, cutting this, peeling that, as she stirred and watched the boiling water, finding it instantly fascinating.

As she did so she felt Arizona's eyes following every movement. Secretly she loved it, it was her favorite thing, to cook for Arizona and feel her watching her. She never let on that she knew Arizona did that, and she never once turned around to catch her staring. Usually she didn't have to, as Arizona would come up behind her and take her then and there. It never failed. Not that she would ever complain. There was just something so sexy about a reaction like that over something as simple as her cooking. Something she'd definitely use to her advantage from now on.

But as the good memories flooded her brain, she was forced back into the present when Arizona called her name. There was a reason they were here, and it wasn't a pleasant one. She knew Arizona understood where things were, and it weighed on her heart like nothing ever had before. Could this be the last night they would spend together?

As the meal finished and Arizona set the table, Callie watched her intently, trying to read her body language, trying to see if she'd given up, if she even cared, if there was even a hint of defeat in her posture, in her movements. But she couldn't read her, perhaps that was for the best, she would know soon enough.

* * *

They sat there, directly across from one another, sheepishly stealing glances through hooded eyes. It wasn't cute flirtation kind of glances; it was the kind you do when you're in trouble, or when you say something stupid and embarrassing. The entire dinner had been completely silent, and awkward, and ridiculously painful. Callie stared at her food, only glancing up twice to see if Arizona was eating and if she was looking at her. Arizona merely played with her food, pushing it around her plate with her fork, mindlessly taking a bite every so often. Not because she was hungry, her nerves were far too active inside her tummy to even entertain the idea of food. But, Callie had cooked her dinner, and she wasn't about to make her even angrier by refusing to eat.

As she reached for her drink, she decided to chance Callie catching her staring, and looked directly at her. She missed that, just being able to look at her whenever she wanted. It always made Callie blush whenever she did, and Arizona loved that. Even now, she realized, she was completely taken at how beautiful Callie really was. She wasn't wearing her necklace – neither was Arizona, though – and she was without her signature black, and slightly chipped, nail polish. Her purple shirt accentuated all the perfect places on her body in the most delicious way. She thought about what Cristina had said earlier. How she wasn't telling Callie everything she needed to hear, how she needed to _show_ her instead. She needed to give her something concrete, something to prove she was done hiding, that she would fight for her, that she'd stop hurting her to win arguments, and that she was indeed completely invested. The problem was, she had no idea how to do that without losing herself in the process. The best she could do, she supposed, was try. Pumping herself up for a moment, she attempted to start a conversation once again. "So, I heard about how you rocked your surgery this morning, I wish I could have seen it. I tried sneaking away but I was up to my ears in paperwork and I - "

* * *

"I'm going to take a shower," Callie said, abruptly interrupting her, dropping her fork onto the plate with a loud clank, her tone completely apathetic. She pushed herself away from the table and walked to Arizona's bedroom, swiftly closing the door behind her, leaving Arizona mentally kicking herself for inadvertently reminding Callie of her failed surgery today.

Several moments later, Arizona could faintly make out the water being turned on. She sat back in her chair, tossing her napkin onto her plate, inhaling sharp and deep, letting it out in a loud sigh. She felt completely defeated. An emotion she had promised herself she would never let herself feel ever again. She was at a complete loss. She was sure that having dinner together would have been a way to ease the tension between them. And when Callie had said she would cook, it had given Arizona a little hope. But obviously, the dinner idea was a big fail. It didn't even seem like Callie was willing to try anymore.

Then again, why would she? Arizona hated to admit it to herself, but Callie had made some damn fine arguments in the case against her. She had kept herself barricaded behind the strongest of walls, and until Callie came along, no one had tried or cared enough to try to tear them down. But what Callie couldn't understand was, that the wall she built up so high? It was the only thing keeping her alive. Allowing her to make it through the day, making her empty life and broken heart somewhat bearable. It wasn't one of those broken hearts that healed over time or that could be fixed by someone new. No, this kind of broken was permanent.

The walls allowed her a safe haven from her past, she was safe behind them, and until Callie, no one even seemed to notice, or at least weren't aware that she closed off part of herself, hid it from the world, from herself. She hid well behind her façade. Her naturally bubbly, tough when she need to be, good man in a storm, persona. Most people had no clue of the wounds she carried around with her, the pain she buried deep inside, just so she could get on with her life. It was so much easier, and so much less messy to keep it locked away and carry on as if nothing bad had ever happened.

Facing heartache, admitting defeat, trusting; believing in people again, those were things that weren't options for her anymore. Those are the things that died along with her brother and nephew. Unfortunately, this prerogative of hers put Arizona in the uncomfortable position of either protecting her heart, her secret, or losing the one person she cared more about than anyone before Callie.

Arizona loved her, everything about her. She had been in love with her for as long as she could remember. The thing about being with Callie was, she could hardly remember her life before they were together. She had been searching desperately for that. The kind of love that made time stop and the past before the person, completely disappear. The second chance kind of love. Ironically, it was the past Callie made Arizona almost forget, that she so hopelessly needed her to open up about.

* * *

She realized, sitting there, alone, that Callie was literally amazing in every way. Her love made Arizona feel invincible. Deep down in her heart of hearts, Arizona did believe Callie would protect her heart should she give it to her fully. She wasn't the type to carelessly throw it away and move onto the next pretty, bubbly girl surgeon that came along. The kind of girl who didn't have such a painful past, the kind who could give herself fully with no qualms or strings attached. But, she also knew that Callie loved her completely. Deeply. Wholly. And she also knew that Callie was unpleasantly acquainted with how painful it was to have your heart shattered. And most importantly, she knew exactly how it felt to be broken. The difference between her broken and Callie's broken was simple, and exactly as Callie had mentioned the other night at Joe's. She was able to pick up the pieces and come out stronger afterwards. No, Callie wasn't broken anymore, but the reality of the situation was, Arizona still felt just as broken today as she had four years ago. She was the broken one, and to finally admit that to herself felt oddly ... relieving. Mostly because she knew that Callie was the one person who could put the pieces back together. The one person who would _want_ to. But she had to _tell_ her first. That was the first step.

* * *

Arizona stood up and cleared the table, putting the leftover food in plastic containers. She carefully scrubbed the plates clean in the sink, opting against just putting them in the dishwasher. The mundane task was a welcome distraction from the silence that came with waiting for Callie to finish. As soon as she'd put everything away in their respective cupboards, she walked over to the iPod dock in her living room, filling her apartment with the soft hum of classical music once again.

Just as she sat down on the love seat, she faintly heard Callie's shower switch off and her mind instantly began buzzing with how to begin the conversation she knew they needed to have if they were going to get through this. There could be no holding back this time, no matter how much she wanted to. Her need for Callie in her life outweighed her need to keep things buried deep inside. She played with the hem of her shirt, silently preparing her speech in her head.

* * *

Thirty minutes passed and Callie still had yet to emerge from the bedroom. In fact, Arizona hadn't even heard any sounds in the last fifteen minutes or so, and she was beginning to get a little nervous, the worry bouncing unsteadily around in her tummy like a popcorn maker. Slowly approaching the door, almost tiptoeing, she pressed her ear up against the crack of the door. Still hearing no sounds, she softly called out to her, earning no response. She placed her right hand on the knob and knocked lightly, softly saying her name once more before turning it, and slowly opening the door.

She found Callie, still clad in only her pink towel, hair draped and stringy over her shoulders, sitting on the floor, back against her bed, knees pulled tightly to her chest, face buried in her hands, fingers grasping at her cheeks. She heard the quiet sniffling and watched as Callie trembled, obviously unable to contain the tears any longer.

Arizona rushed to her side and dropped to her knees beside her, reaching out for her, and pulling her into her arms. She held her for quite some time, just allowing Callie to sob. She was completely at a loss for words. She definitely hadn't been prepared for this. She lightly stroked Callie's left temple with her thumb, knowing it had always comforted her, as she felt her heart sink deeper with every fallen tear. She was losing her, she could feel it. She was losing everything right before her very eyes, and all she could do was kneel there and hold onto her, hoping it wouldn't be the last time she ever got to.

* * *

"Calliope" she quietly whispered, her voice cracking slightly form the pain building in her heart. Callie remained motionless, but she heard her staggering breaths signaling her sobs were slowly dissipating. It was a start, at least.

"I'm broken, Callie, it's me. That's why I said that to you. Because the truth is, it's been me all along, I have been for almost four years now and it was just easier to say you were then to admit to myself that it was me all along." Arizona began. Callie pulled away from her slightly, enough so she could look her right in the eyes. Arizona smiled softly at her, brushing away her lingering tears with her thumbs. Her beat red cheeks, puffy eyes, and wet hair, broke Arizona's heart just a little bit more. Callie stared at her, an unknown emotion clouded her eyes and made it hard for Arizona to gauge if she should continue or not. She could tell how exhausted Callie really was because of all this, really see it for the first time. She also knew this would be her only shot, but as she looked into Callie's eyes, she knew it was no longer about her.

"God baby, look at you, you're exhausted. I'm so sorry I did this to you. So, unbelievably sorry."

Callie dropped her gaze to her lap and shook her head from side to side in obvious defeat. Panicking slightly, Arizona continued, "Let's go to bed." Callie shot her head up and looked at Arizona with disbelief, making the sudden movement to get up. "Callie, wait. Look, we need to talk, I need to talk, I know, okay? But you're…you're, exhausted and it can't be about me anymore. I want to put you into that bed, and hold you close so that you feel safe, so you can get a decent night's sleep. I can tell you haven't been sleeping. Please, even if this is the last time, let me be there for you." She looked Callie square in the eyes and silently pleaded with her. "Just for tonight."

Callie blinked twice and sighed for no other reason than she was too tired to fight with her anymore. She stood, raised her eyebrows in Arizona's direction, and walked around to her side of the bed. Arizona grabbed a navy t-shirt and a pair of running shorts for Callie, throwing them over to her side of the bed. Callie rubbed her hair with her towel and put on the clothes, tossing the towel back towards the bathroom when she was done. She pulled down the covers and crawled under them, sighing and relaxing as her body melted into the bed. Arizona walked to the door, flipped the light switch, and walked back, pausing for a moment in hesitation, before climbing under the covers and scooting behind her lover, pulling her close. They both relaxed and resumed their familiar zone of comfort with one another.

It was certainly a start. And as Arizona inhaled the subtle scent of Callie, she closed her eyes and softly whispered "I love you". Because, plain and simply, she did. And above everything else, every secret she held inside of her, that was a truth she couldn't live without.


	12. The Surrender

For the first time in almost half a week, Callie slept soundly. No nightmares, no tossing and turning, and she knew it was all because of Arizona. At first, she didn't want Arizona to turn it into a way to get out of talking, but she was just _so_ exhausted. Relenting, she let Arizona put her to bed and curl up behind her, the even breathing on her neck, her soft, steady heartbeat lulling Callie to sleep instantly as it remained a constant in her ear. She'd missed it so much, the comfort, the ease of their embraces, how well they fit together. An ambulance siren blared outside her window, waking her suddenly, but she soon relaxed and reached out for the blonde, wanting desperately to pull her warmth back into her body and drift back to sleep. Even if it meant forgetting they were still somewhat angry at one another. But she was met with cold sheets and peeked out of one eye to see why Arizona was gone, and Callie feared instantly that she had had one of her famous nightmares. She'd worried about that every night since they'd been apart, and she too had been terrorized by them, it seems, sleeping without one another, wasn't even conducive to their subconscious.

Callie got out of bed, shivering slightly, and reached for her robe that rested on the cedar chest at the foot of it. She felt the goosebumps as they trailed down her arms and she could just make out the cool draft from the window. While it was cold in the mornings, there was just something about the crisp fall air that made waking up something special. Being able to start a fire first thing in the morning on their days off, curling in front of it on the couch reading and cuddling, one of Callie's favorite things in the whole world. She paused as she walked to the archway of the door and leaned against it, her eyes instantly glued to Arizona's sweet face, the flickering light of the television casting shadows and illuminating her features in such a way that instantly made her smile and sigh. She was just _so_ beautiful. Arizona turned slightly, looking at her, returning Callie's smile and she watched as Arizona wiped a few stray tears from her soft cheeks. They held each other's gaze for a few moments, God Callie had missed her.

"What are you watching?"

It was slight, raspy from her crying, but Callie distinctly heard her say with ease, "You. I'm watching you, Calliope."

For a moment, she couldn't breathe or speak or focus on anything other than Arizona's glistening eyes locked with her own and the electric heat that was spreading through her tummy, her chest, her whole entire body. That's the warmth that she craved whenever they were near each other. The warmth that she'd missed more than anything. In that moment she forgot about everything. The only thing she could concentrate on was being close to her, touching her , feeling her. Callie walked slowly over to the couch and sat down so they were facing each other. She reached up with both hands and ran her thumbs across Arizona's cheeks, drying them from her tears.

"Ari, I don't want you to cry."

"But Callie, I love you. And I want to tell you, I do, I just – I don't understand why I can't. And…" she trails off, inhaling deeply, her breath staggering, Callie's heart breaking.

"And I'm afraid I'm going to lose you, because I'm scared to open these wounds again. Of what it'll do to me. Of who I might become. That you might not love the person that I was and you'll leave. I'm scared Callie. Please understand how much I love you." Her face quivered and her eyes misted over and she pulled her lips into her mouth in an attempt to still her tears.

Watching her crumble right in front of her instantly broke Callie's heart that much more. As much as she knew what needed to happen in order for them to work, her need to comfort Arizona, to love her, was needed more. Callie loosened her fingers around her cheeks and trails them along the path a few tears had run, down her chin, down her neck, across her collarbone, and onto the top of her breast. Arizona's breath caught in her chest and she instantly stills, tears ceasing, as she looked straight into Callie's eyes.

"Calliope – I…"

"I can't help it. I just, I need you to know how much I need you to do this. How much I need us to survive this. How much I need your love," Callie leaned into her and kissed her, soft, closing her eyes, as she tasted the salty tears on Arizona's lips.

"You need to understand, Arizona, that me demanding this of you doesn't mean I love you any less, it means I need you to fight for me, for us," Arizona kissed her back, lovingly, and then reached for Callie's wrists and grasped them tightly as she trailed a line up her jaw, whispering "I love you so much" into Arizona's ear, and placing a gentle kiss on her temple. Callie pulled back, hoping the message was clear, that it's just the two of them there. Two people who love each other and who would do anything for one another.

"Ari, I'll protect you. If you trust me, if you let me into your heart I'll protect it. You'll never be hurt again as long as I live."

She took Arizona's left hand and brought it to her heart, placing hers over it to emphasize that she wanted it to stay there, quickly pressing her other hand to Arizona's racing heart. "We're safe here. Do you feel it? Can you feel us?" Arizona looked at her with an emotion she had never seen in her eyes before. Loss. Profound loss. And it hit Callie's heart so hard that she could almost feel it actually move inside her chest, like she had transferred her every emotion and shared them, placing them gently into her own. Callie looked at her with sadness and Arizona gave her a small, knowing smile as she nodded. As Arizona closed her eyes and took a deep breath, Callie leaned forward and kissed her, stealing the breath right out of her. And in that instant everything else disappeared. And the only thing she desired was to hold onto that connection, to hold onto her and never let go.

"Jesus, I want you Arizona. I want my hands in your hair and your lips on mine. I want your fingertips ghosting over my skin in the way you like to do so much, just under the hem of my shirt, in public, just because you can. I want to taste you, and be inside of you, I want my skin on your skin, and I want every inch of you to be connected with me. I need that _so_ badly. If words can't be spoken, if it's the words you're afraid of, I'll show you just how much I love you, how much you could trust me with your secrets, with your past, with your demons."

Arizona gulped as her eyes widened.

"I want to swallow your cries and your moans, entangling them with my own. I want to relish in the way our legs intertwine so perfectly. The way you look down on me while I taste you, the way your fingernails dig into my skin right before you come. I want to see and feel your stomach muscles clench and release as I run my tongue and teeth down them, ghosting their outline with my lips as I make my decent. I want to say, more than anything, "Turn off the TV Arizona, come to bed with me, let me make love to you." I want to push you back against the arm of this couch and climb on top of you, following your eyes as they roam my body. I want to pull off my shirt and pants and watch your eyes darken with lust and feel your hands on my breasts. I want to stand, grabbing your hands in my own and pulling you up with me, dropping your hands and enticing you to come closer to me. I want to pull you hard into me, claiming your mouth as my possession as my tongue enters yours and devours you, sending a delicious need coursing through both our bodies. I want to feel that desperation with you, of who will give in first, giving over the power to be taken. God Arizona, I only hope you understand just how much I love you, how much I need you, how much I want to be inside of you in every way possible. To connect with you, mind, body, and spirit. To become one. If only you'd understand, if only you'd let me in, we could be beautiful together. But you have to let me in. I want all of these things, and I know you can see just how badly in my eyes."

Arizona's brow creased and her heart became heavy in awe as Callie gave her hands a light squeeze. Only Callie would make a speech about opening her heart up to her and mix it with something so _damn_ sexy to emphasize her point.

"Arizona, I want you. In every way possible. Every second of every day I want you. Right now I want to hand my body, my heart, over to you. And I want to show you how much I love you. But first, I need you to hand me your heart. It's scary, it's terrifying actually. You asked the same thing of me months ago. But I knew you'd be one person who wouldn't want to break it. Now let me be the one person who will never hurt you. Please, Ari."

Arizona looked at her with such sadness, such pain. Callie reached up to caress her cheek, needing that comfort for herself in case she rejected her, and for Arizona to show her she never could. Callie watched as she scrunched her brow again and took a deep, slow breath. She reached for Arizona's hand to keep a connection, any connection, to pass her warmth to her so it'll encase her heart. Arizona opened her mouth; looking at Callie with such intensity her stomach flips and she stopped breathing altogether.

"Do you remember the first person you killed, Calliope?"


	13. The Bearing of Scars

**A/N**: There is a shift to first-person POV that begins later in this chapter and continues through to the finale. The change happens after the break with "Callie -". We hope you enjoy and that it meets all of your expectations.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

"_Do you remember the first person you killed, Calliope?"_

The question resounded in her head. She knew it was meant to be rhetorical, but it still ignited a memory buried deep within Callie's subconscious. She hadn't thought about it for a long, long time, but she would always remember the first. Her first was even before she was a doctor. The infernal buzzing that signaled the end had already arrived and she could do nothing but watch, nothing would make it stop, nothing she did would bring her best friend back. Callie snapped herself back to the present, her eyes glassy with the newly formed tears from a long since buried pain. She saw a similar look in Arizona's eyes, one of distance and defeat. One she could relate to, one she understood, one _any_ surgeon would feel compassion towards.

But this wasn't about relating feelings or experiences. They weren't going to share past heartbreaks or shortcomings and compare their wounds. They were far beyond that point in their relationship. This was about something much, much deeper. About Arizona opening up about her past, about letting Callie in, about not holding back no matter how much it may hurt to give up such a tender piece of herself. This was about trust, about their future. Something both of them could share, something they could give one another, something intangible that would hold them together like nothing else could.

"The first I killed was my nephew. It wasn't entirely my fault, my therapist got that one hammered into my brain years ago. But the fact that I couldn't save him, that I couldn't keep my promise to my brother, to myself, to protect him, it broke me. Losing him and not being able to do anything about it, it just, destroyed me."

Callie reached for her hands and squeezed them gently, giving her encouragement and strength in her touch, knowing that Arizona would need the reassurance that she was listening and that she understood how hard this was on her.

"He was just barely two, a few weeks after his birthday, we had a Lion King themed party for him. There were little hat things that made us looked like lions, and Timon and Pumba stuffed animals. And the cake, oh my God, the cake Callie! Paige and I spent the whole day getting everything perfect while Isaac took him out for a father/son birthday day of fun. And when he came home, his eyes lit up and his mouth fell open, and it was just so ... _awesome_. We had the party, there were toddlers everywhere, it was hectic and loud and by the end of it when I got into my car to go home, I was so thankful I didn't have one of my own. But after his bath that night, when he and Isaac went into his room to pick out a story, he collapsed and wouldn't wake up. I got the call half an hour after I got home. And I just remember feeling so, I don't know, it was like time stopped, but not in a good way."

Callie watched her as she relived the happy moments with her family. How she would smile and her eyes would sparkle, but when it dawned on her that they were gone, her eyes would become distant and would turn a pale gray. It was so hard to listen to, but then again, part of her needed to know these things. She needed to know why Arizona was so closed off, why she was so afraid to let her in. She settled into the couch and reached to tuck a strand of Arizona's hair behind her ear and run her thumb down her cheek. If Arizona was going to do this for her, for _them_, Callie knew she needed to make Arizona feel as safe and as loved as possible. And when Arizona reached to place her hand on Callie's, she knew immediately that things were only going to get better between them.

"May I hold you?"

She watched as Arizona smiled softy, her dimples just barely visible as she nodded her head and leaned into Callie's outstretched arm. She ran her nails soothingly down Arizona's side, just like she liked it, encouraging her to continue.

"I was an OB/GYN fellow then," she snuck a peek up at Callie, knowing the look that she would get, and chuckled softly as Callie shot her a look of surprised confusion. "I loved delivering the little babies, and was actually content and super happy there. But, he needed surgery to save his life. A little microsurgery that I was familiar with, because in Med school I read up on everything having to do with Peds, but didn't know every little thing that was going to happen while he was in there."

Callie nodded and rolled her eyes, Arizona would memorize every detail about everything having to do with kids regardless of her specialty. Just one more thing that made Callie fall so deeply in love with her.

"Hey! Don't roll your eyes. I'm an awesome doctor," she said, as she lightly swatted Callie's thigh. Snuggling in a little closer to Callie, God had she missed that, being close to her, _feeling_ her. She made a mental note never to let her get far enough away that she couldn't get to her in less than fifteen minutes for some snuggle time. She smiled at the thought and continued.

"You never met my twin brother, but if you had before Kade was sick, you would have loved him. He was a lot like you, actually. But, the diagnosis changed him. Hardened him. He rarely laughed, never smiled, and became a shell of the man he once was. He wouldn't even touch his son, like he was afraid he'd kill him just by laying a finger on him. It was awful, painful, horribly sad, the worst experience of my life. To see him that..._distant_...I just - he loved so hard and so completely, just like you, and to witness that warmth leave his eyes, well, it broke my heart."

Callie placed a lingering kiss to her temple and watched as Arizona smiled sadly without looking up.

"They rushed him into surgery, and I just remember the feeling of utter helplessness. I mean, I'm a doctor! It was the hospital I worked at! And yet, I had no control over what happened to the most important thing in my life. I was completely powerless. I paced up and down the halls, back and forth. I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't acknowledge anyone, and it wasn't until my ex found me and forced me into an on call room, that I broke down. That day I decided that I could never feel that powerless ever again, and I made the decision to switch my specialty to Peds surgery. I knew I could never be a doctor again if I ever felt that out of control."

* * *

Callie nodded. She understood. There were moments just like that for her when she was in the Peace Corps. Moments she never discussed with anyone. Moments that changed her as a doctor, as a person, and she knew that without a doubt, especially with the kind of person Arizona was, it was absolutely the worst thing that ever could have happened to her. To have someone she loved in such a vulnerable position and having no control over what would happen to them? Especially with the way she protected the things she loved? It had to have been unbearable, inconceivably, it would have broken her. At that second Callie understood Arizona more than she ever had in their entire relationship. A wave of contentment rushed over her and she spoke.

"I love you - _so_ much. An - and if you don't want to talk about this I understand. I understand now, how hard it had to be for you, I understand. So, if you want to stop, you've given me so much already. If you need to stop, it's enough already, okay?"

Arizona jerked up and looked at Callie curiously. There was something in her eyes, something that she hadn't noticed before. A look of - understanding, perhaps? But she knew that Callie deserved to know everything. She wanted her to know everything.

"I love you, too. But - I - we-, I need to tell you. You need to know. I - want you to be a part of my past too Callie. And I want you to know them like I knew them. I want you to be a part of my family." She looked at her hands. "... even if that family is gone now. I want you to be my family."

She looked at Callie and nodded firmly, raising her eyebrows and leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek before settling back into Callie's embrace.

"Things went well for a few months, he pulled through the surgery. Paige had a really hard time with all of it though. I think the helplessness changed her as well, she ended up quitting her job at the hospital altogether. It changed me too. I decided that my family needed me, broke up with my girlfriend, took a leave of absence, and temporarily moved in with them to help carry some of the burden of raising a very sick child. He wasn't mine, of course, but, he was my twin's son, and in my eyes, he was basically my son too. Isaac completely checked out, Paige was exhausted and heartbroken, and I was left to pick up the pieces. Not that I minded, I would have done anything for that little boy. I would have died for him. I think part of me did."

Callie's head was swimming. She finally understood why Arizona was the way she was. And there was so much she wanted to say to her, but more than anything she wanted to kiss her. And to take away all the pain she had ever felt. She could feel her tense at her side while she relived the painful memories of her past. But when she talked about her nephew, she would sit up and look at her, eyes sparkling, dimples popping, and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. But, if she let herself, it also broke her heart wondering if that's how she'd look when she talked about their own kids. But this, this wasn't about that. This was about Arizona. And Callie knew that more than anything, this was the moment that everything would change for them. Still grazing her side, Callie felt content and loved and whole as she listened to the blonde open her heart up to her.

"It was a screwed up and miserable situation, but we somehow managed to hold onto one another and get through it. Four months later, Isaac received his deployment papers and things changed. Kade was doing well, considering he was given a death warrant, the sweetest little kid I'd ever met. He would babble on and on with his adorable little sentences about animals and gross icky bugs and colors and he would sing the ABCs like it was the most exciting thing in the world. Everything was so new and so exciting for him. Even though he was always pretty weak, he was a fighter and it was obvious to everyone who met him. He was just so - _perfect_ Callie. Everything about him."

* * *

"The day Isaac was set to deploy, he pulled me into a hug and whispered into my ear, making me promise him that if anything happened to him, I would do everything in my power to save his son, and I would stick by Paige and help her in every possible way I could. I, of course, swore on both our lives that I would, and he left that morning thinking that his son would survive and I would be the one to make that happen. But I - I let him down Callie. I let that little boy die because I wasn't good enough."

Callie furrowed her brow and placed her finger under Arizona's chin, ushering her to meet her gaze. She resisted, focusing intently on her fingers as they twisted that imaginary ring on her finger as she had done in the bathroom.

"Listen to me, what happened to that baby was not your fault. You're - you're the most amazing doctor I've ever met. You go so far beyond anything anyone else would do for their patients. You have the biggest heart and you're so loving and compassionate with their families. Each and every one of those kids is like your own, and I know that makes it that much harder when you lose them, but that doesn't mean it's ever your fault, Arizona. If any of them have a shot, it's with you as their doctor. You fight like hell for those kids to live, even if it exhausts you. And even if you weren't Kade's doctor, you were his aunt and you loved him more than anything else in this world. I can see in your eyes how much he meant to you. So no, sweetie, you don't get to stop blame yourself. You gave that little boy a wonderful life, as short as it was, and you need to hold onto that, not the fact that he died."

Arizona inhaled sharply, looking Callie in the eyes intently as she tried not to cry. If she was going to do this, she had to be strong and do it without tears. She sniffled slightly and did the one thing she knew would show Callie just how amazing she thought she was, as she kissed her so softly and so gently she almost didn't touch her lips at all. The way she could calm her with her words, or the way she was gently scratching lightly down her arm and side to always keep a connection with her, or the way she would pull her closer into her when she reached a particularly vulnerable moment, those are the things that made her amazing. And those are the things that gave her the courage to go through this again with her by her side. And as Arizona did, she realized that without a doubt, if Callie had been there four years ago, it wouldn't have broken her. She would have protected her and helped her cope. She would have held her while she cried and taken care of things while she grieved. Reliving it this time, Callie is what made the difference. She took another deep breath and tightened her jaw, squeezing Callie's hand for support.

"Paige got rid of their apartment and moved into my house with me, and things were going well, for the most part. Kade was slowly becoming stronger as the days passed, happy and smile and we played hide and go seek and Candy Land and I was teaching him how to read at night. My residency switch was going well, and Paige was coping the best she could. We were just going through the motions, living each day in the moment and doing our best, you know?"

Callie nodded as she twisted a blonde curl lazily with her index finger.

"And then, one night changed all of that. Paige hadn't been sleeping well, she was too scared and too anxious all the time. So, I suggested she take a few sleeping pills and promised her that I would stay up for the rest of the night with the baby. She didn't want to, but I was pretty insistent, you know how persuasive I can be..." She chuckled slightly, knowing that Callie had probably just rolled her eyes and smirked at her own joke.

"I stayed up with Kade, read him stories, told him about times with his father growing up as I rocked him in the rocker by his bed. We were both almost asleep when, without any warning, he started vomiting blood. It was bad, there was just so much. It was all over me, I looked like that girl in that one movie where she gets the blood thrown onto her at prom? Yeah. And it covered and soaked him, it was awful. Kade was screaming in pain, I was frantic, and as much as I yelled at Paige, she never did wake up. So, I put him in the car and rushed the twenty minuets it took to get to the hospital. It was literally the single most terrifying chunk of time in my life."

"He was just so little Cal, so small and helpless, and the fear in his eyes broke me. He kept crying my name, AA he called me, and I tried my best but no matter what I did, I couldn't soothe him. Out of anyone I always could, we had such a special relationship, he was my little man. And when I couldn't help him, I knew nobody could, and once again I felt that loss of control and it killed me. As soon as they got him looked over in the ER and took him to get scans, I was finally able to get a hold of Paige. And the next thing I remember, my best friend at the hospital, think Mark for you, was coming out to tell me that my nephew was dead. And his mother wasn't even there yet. It was just absolutely the most horrible day of my life."

She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, needing the escape. Needing the moment. Not to hide from Callie exactly, but more to reflect on the moment that changed her life forever. And how much she missed her little family.

"He just - just died. Just like that. I mean, I know how it works, I'm a doctor, I've witnessed it hundreds of times, but he was there and then the next second he wasn't. And for us it's different, you know, we have control over it, well, we can do everything in our power to stop it at least, but with Kade, I had none. He went in, Brian came out to tell me, Erin ushered me into the on call room, I broke down, and that was that. But, it all just felt so - routine. So - detached. You'd think a big life changing event like that would feel significant, but it was all just so _bazaar_."

* * *

_Bazaar_.

The word lingered on her lips, its meaning slowly sinking into her consciousness. Even now, after all of these years, it was still something she had trouble grasping. There was endless yelling and blaming and crying for months; her family was torn to shreds after Kade's death. The bickering and the guilt ate her alive, consuming her every thought, her every dream. The only time she ever found an ounce of relief was in surgery, the exact moment when she knew she had saved another life. But even that distraction lost its power over time, and all she could think about was losing him, losing her family, losing everything. She had perfection. And in a split second, it was taken away from her. It was just, gone.

So she left. She left her family and her home, everything she had ever known to start over, to heal. She found herself across the country in a top-ranked pediatrics program, a switch she needed to make for herself. She needed to regain control, to be able to save the tiny humans without the memories or the pain of being at _that_ hospital every single day.

But it wasn't enough, and deep down in her heart of hearts she knew it never would be. She buried it just deep enough so no one would see it, but just far enough so it would remind her of the surgeon she aspired to be, the surgeon she needed to be, the surgeon she _had_ to be. Because in all honesty, her life depended on it now, her career was all she had left.

As time passed it healed some wounds, her relationship with her parents slowly reached a comfortable place and she and Paige would talk every now and then. But they never spoke of that night, not to themselves or to anyone else. Even after all of her accomplishments as a surgeon, becoming one of the top in her field, it did nothing to diminish the feeling of losing a patient, of burying another tiny coffin. It was easier not to think about it, to tuck it away and lose herself in rainbows and butterflies. To make plans, to move onto the next kid, the next family she could spare from experiencing what she had.

And here she was now, snuggled up close to Callie, releasing every one of her bottled up ghosts, the ones no one ever loved or cared enough or dug deep enough to find.

It was her biggest fear about being in a serious relationship. She always feared that once she told someone about her past, something horrendous would happen and it would ruin what they shared. But Callie had been nothing short of understanding and supportive, absorbing everything Arizona said. Pulling her tighter into her when she was afraid, kissing her temple gently when she felt sadness, and smiling and asking questions about Kade when she was excited in remembering happy memories of her time him. For the first time in years, she felt ... relief. The burden of her secrets were no longer hers alone to bear, and the woman she shared it with would keep this secret safe, holding it close to her heart.

Maybe this was all she ever needed, to be pushed off that scary ledge and know someone would be there to catch her. Someone who would heal her heart and her put her back together. And that someone she knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, was Calliope Torres.

Callie looked at her and nods, she understood completely. She could also see it in Arizona's eyes that she was emotionally exhausted. She hadn't cried, but all this _had_ to be taxing. There was one thing Callie wanted to do, and she wanted it more than anything in the world.

"You look exhausted, sweetie. And you've shared _so_much with me. Done so much for _us_. I want to take you into your room, lie you on the bed, and make love to you. I want to show you how much what you just did meant to me, I want to show you that I can protect your heart by loving you. I want to make a new beginning. A beginning of complete trust, honesty, and love. And we're going to do that. In your bed. Right. _Now_."

She leaned in quickly to steal a kiss from Arizona, who looked at her with so much love and lust it made her heart skip a beat. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and nibbled on it softly and then kissed her fully, deeply. But just as she began to stand, Arizona tugged her back down and when she spoke, Callie was utterly surprised.

* * *

_**Callie-**_

"Callie, I'm so sorry." Her soft voice ghosted over my body. After everything we'd been through this past week, after everything she had just told me, all Callie could do was meet her eyes in the darkness with a smile of nothing but pure adoration.

"Don't be, not anymore." She'd just given me everything. She opened her heart and bared her soul, she told me everything she tried so desperately to keep locked inside. And the only thing I could think about was how strongly I ached to kiss Arizona. To feel her lips, to hold her tightly in my arms. It was tearing me apart inside. But I knew she needed something, anything.

"You mean so much to me, and you – what you just did for me, for us, I can't – Iloveyou so so much."

Arizona smiles as I reach for her hands, bringing them up and placing a gentle kiss on the back of each. I knew we needed to talk more, but all I wanted right then was to feel Arizona hard against me, my mouth devouring hers, our skin smoothly gliding against one another. All I wanted, no, all I _needed_, more than anything, was to make love to my beautiful, amazing, strong, brave girlfriend.

I stand quickly, pulling her up and flush against my body, kissing her with such force it made my own head spin. She moans as her pj clad breasts press against the fabric of my silky robe, instantly wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. I quickly tug off her shirt, pulling it over her head and hear her gasp as her bare skin meets the cool fall air from the open window across the room, her nipples instantly tighten. I run my forefinger over the left, teasing her as I swallow another gasp with a deep kiss.

"Callie…"

"You have a choice, Arizona," I say, practically growling it into her ear. "I can take you right here, right now, standing in the living room, where it'll be quick but deliciously dirty; or I can take you in your bedroom, in the bed, where it'll be romantic and lovely and sensual and perfect. But you better make it quick, because I'm about eight point three seconds from making the decision for you. Either way, you're mine tonight. You're mine forever if I have any say in it."

I feel her knees go weak as she meets my gaze, unwavering. "Bed. Now."

"Yeah, well, you first, _darling_."

The smirk and darkening of her baby blues into a swirling cerulean and slate, make my heart skip a beat.

As I watch her saunter into the bedroom, dropping her shorts in the process, I quickly follow, catching up to her and pulling the tie on the robe. I come up behind her and press my naked body against her back and pull her hard into me. I latch onto her neck with my teeth, swirling my tongue to lavish her behind them. I lick and suck and gnaw my way down to her shoulder and I bite down, softly at first, but as she lets out a soft moan, I increase the pressure, causing her to hiss out my name.

Even quicker than I was prepared for, she began grinding back against me, softly whimpering. She grabbed my hands from their vice-like grip on her hips and brings one up to kneed her left right breast as I instantly catch on and force the other between her thighs, running it up and down the length of her and smirk against her shoulder as she lets out a sharp gasp. She tried to turn and face me, but I keep her locked where she is; my fingers teasing her nipple as my hand strokes her firmly, slowly, lightly, all at once.

God she was _so_ wet.

"Cal – Callie, can't - I can't take the teasing. Baby. Bed. The bed - please." She manages to pant between ragged, shallow breaths.

She gasps as my fingertips continue to dance and tease and lightly scratch her clit with my fingernail. I break away from her, removing all traces of myself from her body as I motion for her to follow me with one finger, slowly, to the bed. When she stands there frozen, I reach my hand to my lips and insert two digits, sucking them into the depths of my mouth loudly and swirl my tongue over them, my eyes rolling into the back of my head and closing, finally tasting her, humming softly as she overtook my senses.

* * *

TBC…

Posting Chapter 14 (the final one!) on Wednesday, October 6.


	14. The Secret Truths

**A/N: Not even gonna sugar coat it, this final chapter is just straight make-up sex. Yay for resolution! We hope that you have enjoyed this story and want to thank you for taking this journey with us. It's been a pleasure.**

******CHAPTER FOURTEEN**  


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* * *

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_When she stands there frozen, I reach my hand to my lips and insert two digits, sucking them into the depths of my mouth loudly and swirl my tongue over them, my eyes rolling into the back of my head and closing, finally tasting her, humming softly as she overtook my senses._

_

* * *

_

At the sight, she propels herself onto the bed, grabbing my arms and pushing me flat on my back. God I'd missed this. The passion, the dire need, the imminent control.

I watched her intently as she slowly lifted her left leg over my body and settled down atop me. Her blonde curls hanging loosely at her shoulders, her eyes closed, and her front teeth clenched tightly over the front of her bottom lip, the soft glow from the streetlight beyond our tiny world illuminating her soft skin. Honestly, in this moment, with a light sheen of sweat glistening over her body, her hands rushing to kneed her breasts as she straddles my hips, grinding against me roughly, she has never looked more beautiful. It's as if her confessions had released her, released her heart, and in doing so, gave her a subtle glow.

I wrap my hands around her waist and watch her, locking her gaze with mine as she lowers her body until our nipples meet and her hair drapes around us, creating a secret chamber of warm breaths and desire. She moves atop me, fluidly, her hips grinding down against me as she traces my bottom lip with her tongue.

"Move slow with me Callie," she whispers softly. "Slow," as I reach my hand to press firmly down on her lower back. "Not for long, just - I just want to feel us." I slowly dip my head to kiss her neck, our slick bodies moving in unison as I trace small languid circles over her warm flesh.

"Arizona, I want you. Not slowly. I want you to feel how much I love you. Right now."

"Please, baby," she kisses me passionately, whimpering as I push my hips up into her, our swollen clits meeting and dragging against one another, making us both groan in unison. "I need to feel you, I've be - been holding back for so long, please, I just want to feel us. I want to make it last. - to make it last a lifetime."

I feel the tears begin to well in my eyes. She truly is all in this now. And she wants forever. I crash my lips into her with such dire need to taste her, to hold her lips on mine, to lose myself in her and never let go.

I suck her tongue into my mouth as I drag my nails along her sides and up to tease her breasts. Quickly releasing her mouth, slow, torturously slow, I feel her move her body lower against mine, letting her wet center slide over my thigh, starting a delicious rhythm.

She leans into me, thrusting softly against me as she kisses my shoulder, my favorite thing in the whole world. God I love when she does that. She kisses it again when she hears my breath hitch, trailing down to kiss my chest, my breasts, before letting her warm tongue dance over my nipple, sending jolts of pleasure cursing through my body. She's barely touching me, but her steady grinding is making my toes curl with want.

"Ari – I can't – I need…more."

She smirks into my breast, swirling her tongue firmly along my skin once again, sucking it roughly into her mouth and I instantly gasp as I feel her take it between her teeth. I moan at the pleasure of being inside her mouth and the fact that she isn't even touching me, is leading me on the verge of pouting, or screaming, or –

I smirk lightly as I bring my left hand down to caress my sex, as I attach my mouth to her neck, biting and sucking on the already swollen skin. She pulls back and follows the path my hand is traveling, her eyes growing wide and her mouth dropping wide.

I've long since passed the point of "need", and as I reach between us and run my fingers up the length of her at the same time, I can feel she has too. In fact, it's gone straight to desperation as she grinds forcefully onto my fingers as they make contact with her. I can see it in her eyes as I rub through her. She closes them instantly at the sensation and reaches her own hand down to try and ease the frenzy I'm sure is mirrored in my own eyes.

When I pull my hand from her, she growls and replaces it with her own. My mouth drops open in shock, clearly she had caught onto my game and decided to play along. I let her stroke herself for a few moments, soaking in the pleasure she's feeling as she caresses her clit with her nimble fingers.

Without warning I flip her over onto her back before she can continue any longer. She looks up at me with fierce, lust filled eyes. She tries to speak but I instantly silence her with a kiss so intense it stops my heart for half a second, as I roughly force her legs apart with my own.

I clutch her breasts in my hands, not caressing, not teasing, not lavishing them with love – my movements are frenzied. I want her, and I'm going to take her. Her body belongs to me. Her heart, her everything is mine, with her confessions she showed me, and I wanted to leave no doubt in her mind that I wanted what she had given to me more than anything else.

I circle her nipple and bite down with a hunger that even surprises me, feeling the jolt of pleasure as the shiver travels straight through her body to her sex, leaving goose bumps in its wake. My body lies between her splayed legs, and she begins to grind against me, needing the extra pressure, needing the release. I know her body well enough to read its reactions like a dirty romance novel and I moan into her chest as I feel her wet heat rubbing a delicious slick trail against my skin.

"Baby, please –"

I pull my head back sharply from her body, my eyes glazed over with lust. She's begging. Oh God, she's begging. _So. Fucking. Sexy._ But with her begging, I can't help but smirk. She opened herself up to this. "Please, what?"

"Taste me…now…God, Callie. I – I need your mouth on me…"

"Jesus, Arizona. What happened to slow?"

"Mouth. Tongue. Inside. Now." She manages between gasps for air.

At her demand I can't withhold any longer. I crawl my way down her body, leaving a slick trail over every inch of her skin with my tongue, tasting every inch of her salty sweat. Tracing every muscle and sucking on every freckle, not just ravishing her, but memorizing her, this moment, claiming her as my own.

I settle between her thighs and thrust my tongue into her, licking her lips, her clit, and circling her entrance with the firm tip of my tongue. She's so wet, her arousal dripping onto my chin as I continue my assault on her clit. She moans loudly and pushes against my face as I enter her and begin to fuck her, slowly. Her legs drop open onto the bed and her feet instantly dig into my sides, urging me not to move. I watch her as she writhes beneath me, so unabashed, so unhinged, so … free. And so fucking, beautiful.

She throws her arm over her mouth as her moans begin to increase, biting down on it roughly. With her other hand she frantically searches for a pillow, likely to scream into. But this isn't about holding back or hiding, not anymore.

"Arizona, look at me," she freezes, dropping her arm and sitting up at her elbows. "I want you to watch me eat you, suck you, fuck you." Her eyes go wide with shock at my blunt request. "And I want to hear every sound. No holding back. Let yourself go. You're safe with me."

I pause to adore her with my eyes. Her beautiful body opened up to me in the rawest, most pure form of love and trust. A small smile crosses her face as she nods and cocks an eyebrow, thrusting her hips into the air as her sex slams against my mouth and nose. I narrow my eyes at her and shake my head from side to side. "Patience is a virtue, you know."

"No – not in my bed it isn't. Not right now. Callie…" she warns and begs at the same time. I watch her squirm with my lack of touch, desperate for some form of friction, for a few more moments, intent on making her feel the desire ten-fold. Her eyes shoot up to look at me as her hands greedily make their way into my hair, her fingers tangling in my long curls as her nails claw into my scalp, shoving my mouth onto her.

I return my tongue's attention to her sex, licking slowly between her swollen lips, tasting every drop of her I can. She moans so loudly I can feel it reverberate through her body, as she grinds down against my face, I suck her clit hard into my mouth, allowing my tongue to dance over its throbbing warmth.

"Oh God, Calliope Har – harder."

Her hips buck wildly into the air as I quickly, and without any indication, thrust two fingers deep inside of her, scissoring them, stretching out her clenching muscles around me.

"Calliope!"

I can't take it any more; I climb up her body until my face is inches above her, stretching my tanned body against her as I push my fingers deep into her, over and over again. She pulls me down on top of her, claiming my mouth and tasting her desire on my lips. She groans as she licks every spare drop from my chin and mouth.

I take the opportunity to plant my toes firmly against the bed and thrust impossibly deeper into her, using my own hips against the back of my hand, dragging the tips of my nails inside of her to add a delicious friction along her walls. Her fists clutch the sheets so hard, I can feel them begin to shake behind the firm force.

I let the curve of my fingertips stroke her as I fuck her, her fingers released their grip and dig deeply into the middle of my back as she thrust her tongue into my mouth and kisses me with every ounce of passion she has in her body. I suck on her tongue gratefully, pressing down on it with the fronts of my teeth as I curl my fingers to push her over the edge, when suddenly she grabs my wrist and pulls my hand tightly as she groans at the friction.

"Baby- no –please, I can't, don't…make me cum, not yet – please."

She doesn't want this to end, and neither do I. I wanted the torture, the pleasure to go on forever, this moment, with her shallow quick breath and her slippery skin writhing under me, me fucking her, making love to her, I never want it to end.

She tries to push me away, but something inside of me snaps at her attempt to take control over the situation again. No. This is about her, promising her to never walk away. Showing her every ounce of love I have for her through my touches, to prove to her that nothing has changed between us with her admissions, which only sought to bring us even closer than we were before. This, this made us one. This, her utter trust in me, created a bond that can never be broken.

I kiss her once more with ferocity and hunger, her perfect lips on mine, making love to me. My thrusts only become harder, my fingers spreading and going deeper at every ministration. " Callie, no! I don't – I can't cum yet!" but as I tear away from her mouth and suck at her pulse, nipping and swirling my tongue there, she throws her legs around my body, giving up the fight, taking all of me that she can as she matches my thrusts with her hips.

I feel her bite down hard on my shoulder, her heels pressing into my back, signaling that she's teetering on that ledge of ecstasy, and just as she is about to meet my thrust, I immediately pull away, leaving her hot aching need unsatisfied. She groans at the loss and gives me an incredulous look.

* * *

**Arizona -**

I watch her as she rolls onto her back, bringing me along with her, pulling me hard on top of her and crushing my mouth with a needy kiss. I spread her legs with my knee and shift to press my throbbing clit against hers, moving my hips to grind the two together as our tongues make love, mirroring our bodies. I place my hands on either side of her face and push myself up, still rubbing against her, and slowly lower my breast to her, hungry, waiting, needing; I lightly rub my nipple across her lips before she sucks it into her mouth and between her teeth once more.

Grinding my sex against hers, feeling her teeth and her tongue on my sensitive flesh, the only clear thought that makes it through the haze of pleasure is that I can not wait another second and to taste her wetness, to devour her sex with my mouth and have her invade every one of my senses.

I pull away, just as suddenly as she did, and nip and lick my way down her body, watching her skin twitch and goose bumps appear as the cool night air meets the slick line on her skin from my tongue. I pause at her hips, sucking where skin meets bone and bite down, causing her to groan as her right hand shoots down her body to yank my hair. I smirk against her skin, pressing my tongue flat, leaving a long, wide trail across the line of her lower waist, enjoying the subtle taste of peaches that soaked into her skin. I hum against her and she thrusts her hips, begging for more contact. I run my fingers down and back up her thighs, and bring my mouth to just inside of each, placing my mouth on them and sucking gently, causing her legs to fall open, bearing her in her entirety to me. I don't think I could ever get over just how utterly beautiful she is. With her fingers digging into my scalp, I slowly dip into the warmth of her pussy, relishing in the warmth, her smell, and how fucking wet she is. Her clit feels like heaven against the tip of my tongue, and I instantly feel dizzy.

God I had missed this.

Lazily at first, enjoying the slow moving movement, I trail my tongue up and down the length of her flesh, kissing and tasting and sucking at her lips, her need, her want. But "lazily" isn't enough, and "slowly" is so incredibly overrated and is driving me crazy,

My body begins to shudder with the need to take her, to fuck her, to dive inside of her and make her cry out for me. I bring my fingers up beside my lips and tongue, and begin stroking the flesh of her lips while I lick her. Slowly I bring them to her clit, rubbing, teasing, encircling, before slipping down to her entrance and quickly, roughly thrusting deep inside of her. Smooth warmth engulfs my fingers, and I nearly come form the feeling of finally being inside of her, being one with her.

I moan as she spits out a string of swear words, and rest my head against her toned thigh, watching as my fingers vanish and reappear at an even faster rate, taking her roughly, loving her slowly, making her mine completely.

Unable to watch any longer, I kiss my way back to her sex and let my tongue swirl around her throbbing clit as I fuck her harder than I had originally intended, frenzy and need and lust throwing any concept other than "hard" out the window.

Sucking her into my mouth, nibbling and lapping her need, I fuck her and love her and find a renewed addiction to the sound of my name on her lips. She reaches down and slips her fingers into my hair, at the base of my neck, and pushes me harder against her as her hips rise to meet my thrusts and my tongue. Her body shakes and trembles as I devoured her, claimed her, until she began pulling me up her body by the scruff of my neck and rolling me over.

"This could go on forever, Calliope," I gasped with a tiny laugh as she bit the flesh of my neck and shoulder. She smiles against my skin, nodding softly. I love it when she does that.

"Exactly. Why? Complaining, Dr. Robbins?"

"Are you crazy?" She kisses my neck, my ear, my cheek, my lips, lulling me into a sense of sweet bliss that leaves me completely falling head over heels in love with her all over again; and also, completely unprepared for the shock of her hungry thrust into my sex. I yell out and shake from the force and the depth.

"Tell me Ari, tell me you love me."

"Oh God, Calliope."

"Arizona…"

"I – I love you. I love you more than an – anything. I'm so – oh God, don't stop – in – in love with you." I say. Partially out of desperation for release, mostly because it was the truth. I do love her, in every way a person can love another. She is beautiful, and kind, and honorable. She loves harder than anyone I've ever met, and the intensity with which she loves me never once felt like anything short of a miracle. She is, without a doubt, a forever kind of love. A love so strong, so fulfilling, the only way to know it is as such is to lose it – or almost lose it. Something I know I will never again let happen.

As I reach between our bodies and enter her, how unbelievably wet she is allows me to slide in and it makes me gasp at how ready she is for me. I kiss her, slow, deep, tracing my tongue along her lips, memorizing her, cementing it into my mind forever knowing I never again want to be without it. When I feel her walls clench around my fingers and her mouth drop open, I look her square in the eyes, forehead to forehead, whispering I love you against her lips as we cum together. And in that moment, time stops, the only thing that remains is our heartbeats, erratic, but completely in sync, beating loudly around us.

As we come down from our highs, I lazily and softly kiss her neck, her jaw, her cheek, her nose, any piece of skin I can reach. She nuzzles me with her nose and I can't help but giggle softly as I turn to look her in the eyes, a goofy grin plastered across both our faces.

"I love you, Calliope."

She closes her eyes and smiles widely, inhaling deeply as if taking my words into her soul. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me, resting my chin on her shoulder, watching her, just enjoying the closeness. Just enjoying having her in my arms once more after such a long week apart. She sighs deeply, kissing my cheek and reaches down to tug the sheet over us. I snuggle down into her side, completely content as I drift off to sleep.

And for the first time in over four years, I dream about how beautiful my future is going to be with this amazing woman next to me. How bright and hopeful things will be because she'll be by my side. No longer do I have to hold onto the guilt of my nephew's death, or of the pain in breaking a promise to my brother on my own. I no longer have to hold it all inside, hiding it from the rest of the world pretending I'm not broken. I can confide my fears, open my deepest scars and know that she'll be there to catch me, hold me, fix me. This – her - our love, it's the one thing that can heal my broken heart, my broken past. She has taught me that sometimes love is enough. That sometimes, keeping a secret isn't always as important as another knowing that you're heart is completely open for them. My dark secrets became her truth, and instead of running, she pulled me into her even closer, protected my heart in hers and made it stronger. Loved me harder. And for whatever reason, somewhere in my last miserable few years, I must have something good.


End file.
